Sven's Personal Memos

The House That George Tore Down

2008-09-22T12:53:00.004-05:00

Sven and FrankenKristin say, "So long, Yankee Stadium!"

BTW, that woman in the background really was much nicer than she appears.

A Bridge To Somewhere

2008-09-15T09:55:00.004-05:00

As some of you may know, we lost a bridge last year. Here are few pictures I took last summer before the clean-up and rebuilding began.

The new bridge opened at 5:00 am this morning. It took just over 13 months. I wonder how the rebuilding effort on the other end of the Mississipi is going?

I Don't Like Ike

2008-09-12T23:15:00.004-05:00

Galveston, oh Galveston, I still hear your sea winds blowin'
I still see her dark clouds growin'
It was Sep. 12th when I left Galveston

Galveston, oh Galveston, I still hear your sea waves crashing
While I watch the lightning flashing
I drive away and dream of Galveston

I still see her standing by the water
Standing there lookin' out to sea
And is she waiting there for me?
On the beach where we used to run

Galveston, oh Galveston, I am so afraid of dying
Before I dry the tears she's crying
Before I watch your sea birds flying in the sun
At Galveston, at Galveston

*with apologies to Jimmy Webb

Organize This (A Book Recommendation)

2008-09-08T10:34:00.005-05:00

I read this book once about a guy who spent his life as a community organizer. The guy was a real historical figure born a long time ago, I think about 2,000 years ago to be exact, and the book was intended to highlight his more important works and set the stage for what he (as well as many of his followers) believed would be a new movement, although I think the word he used was Covenant.

The book begins with several stories of the man’s humble upbringing. He was born to a single mother and step-father, a carpenter if I remember correctly. In his adult life his title was Teacher, however, from a historical standpoint, many consider the work that he did to be that of a Community Organizer. In fact, his legacy is so enduring that one could argue he may have been the greatest Community Organizer to have ever lived. Although he showed remarkable promise as a Teacher and public speaker, he was much maligned by those in power who clung to the traditional notions of determining a persons worth by their position, power, and possessions. From what I read he spent much of his life challenging those notions and, at the risk of giving away the ending, paid dearly for it.

As and adult he began traveling the region, speaking to anyone who would listen and gathering followers along the way. His message begin to resonate with those on the fringes of society, those that the people in power determined to be less than worthy, namely prostitutes, tax collectors, lepers and citizens from foreign lands. He implored the leaders of the day to consider the plight of the poor, the sick, the aged and infirm, and went out of his way to challenge those who would accuse others of wrong doing to look into their won hearts before casting aspersion, or stones for that matter.

In the end he set out a few simple guidelines, or blessing for people to live by. Some of those whom he felt were most blessed were the poor in spirit, those who mourn, as well as those who hunger and thirst for righteousness. He also held a special consideration for the meek, the merciful, the pure of heart, peacemakers, and those who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness. The last one proving to be prophetically ironic as he was himself persecuted, and ultimately crucified for the sake of righteousness.

His lasting message to those who claimed to follow him and work to organize a community around his legacy was this: feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, clothe the naked, visit the imprisoned and welcome strangers with open arms. He believed that as his followers were able to do this for the less fortunate of society, they did it for him.

Sadly, the true nature of his work, organizing communities around a common message of love, unity and change, has been distorted, and in recent days ridiculed by those in power. His legacy does live on in the hearts, minds, and actions of many individuals today, even some who do not profess to follow him, its just really hard to find those people sometimes.

I wonder if Sarah Palin or Rudy Guliani ever read that book?

Rest In Peace

2008-04-22T15:01:00.004-05:00

Agnes Ann Ebel

March 17, 1917 - April 22, 2008

And I heard a voice from heaven, saying, "Write, 'Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on!'" "Yes," says the Spirit, "so that they may rest from their labors, for their deeds follow with them." Revelations 14:13

Good-bye Grams, I will miss you.

Stand Up And Be Heard ** UPDATED

2008-02-29T17:02:00.006-06:00

Today I sent the following letter to the poltical editor of my local paper.

Ms. Reeve,

I am following up on a voice message I left for you a few weeks ago. I was responding to something I had read in the Pioneer Press following the Super Tuesday election and was given your name by the reader advocate as the appropriate contact.

Following Super Tuesday, your paper printed several articles commenting on the strong showing by Barack Obama. One article in particular caught my attention, not for its content so much as the inflammatory language used to establish the argument.

The article, authored by Jim VandeHei and Mike Allen writing for Politico, outlined a list of reasons why Hillary Clinton should be worried by the Super Tuesday results. The opening paragraph went like this:

“Hillary Clinton survived a Super Tuesday scare. But there are five big reasons the former first lady should be spooked by the current trajectory of the campaign.”

Spooked?!? Seriously?

Needless to say I was shocked that a 21st century newspaper would allow such an obvious racial slur to appear in print. Especially in a so-called news story. Regardless of one’s feelings for Barack Obama and his fitness for the Presidency, one can’t deny the clear implications of such offensive language and the possible hidden agenda of the authors. So, with righteous indignation in hand, I attempted to contact them to share my reaction.

Because your paper didn't provide any contact information for either writer I tracked them down via the internet. Politico.com does not list e-mail addresses but does provide the option to contact its reporters via a comment box on their profile page. For both Jim VandeHei and Mike Allen, I left the following comment.

“I wanted to comment on something I read in your Feb. 6th column regarding the challenges Hillary Clinton is facing from the Barack Obama campaign following the Super Tuesday elections. You wrote:

“Hillary Clinton survived a Super Tuesday scare. But there are five big reasons the former first lady should be spooked by the current trajectory of the campaign.”

Spooked?!? Seriously?

Surely you must be aware of the obvious historical use of that word as a racial epithet. Even assuming that your intentions weren’t to subtly disparage the first African American in the history of the country with a legitimate chance of winning the presidency, it is difficult to understand how you, and your co-author, and your editor, could allow such a racially loaded term to appear in print.

Were there really no other options? The Microsoft Word program I am using to compose this E-mail carries 10 synonyms for scared in its thesaurus. Any one of which would have had said the same thing without setting a discriminatory tone, unless that was your objective. I hope not. Given the tenor of the article, I’ll grant you the benefit of the doubt and presume that you weren’t attempting to bias the readers with prejudicial language but instead fell victim to an unfortunate word choice.

To paraphrase Spiderman, “With great privilege, comes great responsibility.” As white folks, we rarely suffer the micro-aggressions so familiar to people of color. And because of that we must be even more cognizant not to commit them.”

Upon submitting my comment I received an error message indicating that my comment contained “inappropriate language”. Here I am trying to contact national political reporters about their use of racially loaded terms in the most diplomatic way I know how and I’m flagged for being inappropriate. The irony was overwhelming.

After stewing over the issue for several more days I decided that I would try to contact the Pioneer Press, as they too had some responsibility in allowing the article to run. I called the reader advocate and was given your name and number. I left a message over two weeks ago and have not heard anything since. I also tried to guess at what might be an e-mail address (based on the domain name) for Mr. VandeHei and Mr. Allen. I have not received any acknowledge from them either.

It would be easy for me to simply let this issue go. Afterall, these types of micro aggression don’t really hurt me. However, as I reflect further, I’m reminded of the famous poem “First they came…” by Pastor Martin Niemöller, which concludes, “And then . . . they came for me . . . And by that time there was no one left to speak up.”

I’m speaking up now.

Sincerely,

Sven
South St. Paul, MN

**********************
I recently received this response from the political editor of my local paper.

Hi Sven,

First, let me apologize for not getting back to you. I did get your voicemail and in the midst of the activity of the past few weeks neglected to call you back.

I appreciate the efforts you have gone to to make us aware of your concern. We have a partnership with Politico and you're right, they aren't our staff writers. I would be happy to forward this on to those writers and their editors.

My guess is there was no intent, but you raise a good point that that word is a bit loaded, especially when used in the context of writing directly or indirectly about a black person.

I appreciate your view, will pass it along to Politico and again I apologize for not getting back to you.
If you want to discuss this further, feel free to call me. I promise to respond.

Singed,
Political Editor of the local paper

P.S. It's interesting. I think we ran another Politico story this week in which the Republicans are trying to figure out how they can talk about/attack Obama should he become the nominee without appearing racist.

Listen To Her Heart

2008-02-04T06:38:00.000-06:00

They say the camera adds 10 pounds. In this case I think the camera also added 10 beats per minute.

The Lid Twisters 1.26.08

Fast As You

2008-01-31T22:52:00.000-06:00

The Lid Twisters - 1.26.08

Where Have All The Hours Gone?

2008-01-03T17:13:00.000-06:00

How to tell if your kids' hockey is taking over your life:

 You base the next purchase of your new vehicle on whether it will hold six kids, six sticks, and six hockey bags.

 You know the location of every hockey store within a 400 mile radius.

 You relate directions to places by the nearest arena.

 You know every single kid on every single team your child has ever played on... but you don't have a clue who his school mates are.

 You feel lost when you have a free weekend.

 Your spouse waits until you decide where to sit and then chooses a spot on the opposite side of the arena.

 You become a partner in a skate sharpening business to save money.

 You can justify complaining about someone who gives hundreds of hours of volunteer time to coach your son or daughter.

 You ground your kids for a week (except for hockey practice).

 You rationalize spending $159 on a Synergy for a 9 year-old but won't spend $5 on a birthday card for your wife.

 When someone asks how old your children are you respond, "I have a '94 and a '97."

 You have had to use a grandparent to take kid #1 to a tournament because Dad was in a different county with kid #2 at a tournament and Mom had kid #3 two counties away in a 3rd tournament - all in one weekend.

 Practices make up a very large part of your social life.

 You buy gloves according to how loud you can clap in them.

 You find yourself missing the parents of your child's team mates during the off-season.

 You refuse to make any plans with your friends until you check your kids' hockey schedule.

 You take out a home loan to pay for all the equipment and expenses.

 You plan the birth of your next child so he/she has a good "hockey birthday".

 Your new baby's first word is Zamboni.

 All your computer passwords begin with "hockey" or contain your child's jersey number.

 You purchase a new $135.00 stick because the old one "didn't have any goals left in it."

 You knows a few 5 year-olds that are good but "lack focus".

 You’re kids ask if Christmas is "home or away".

 When your have to decide between a game or first communion you ask the church what your options are.

See you at the rink!

Coaching 101

2007-10-26T16:26:00.000-05:00

Hockey season begins this week and I will once again be coaching both my son's and daughter's teams. As a public service to parents and players everywhere I offer this testimonial by NHL star Chris Chelios on the important role of youth hockey coaches.

Are You Smarter Than A 4th Grader?

2007-10-22T07:41:00.000-05:00

Last week Emma brought home the following extra credit assignment. It was taken from her 4th grade math curriculum. Good luck!

Daniel takes orders at the Marvelous Muffin Bakery. The muffins are packed into boxes that hold 1, 3, 9, 27 muffins. When a customer asks for muffins, Daniel fills out an order slip.
• If a customer orders 5 muffins, Daniel writes code 12 on the order slip.
• If a customer orders 19 muffins, Daniel writes code 201 on the order slip.
• If a customer orders 34 muffins, Daniel writes code 1021 on the order slip.

1) What code would Daniel write on the order slip if a customer asked for 47 muffins? Explain.

2) If the Marvelous Muffin Bakery always packs its muffins into the fewest number of boxes possible, what is a code Daniel would never write on a slip? Explain.

3) The largest box used by the Bakery holds 27 muffins. Daniel thinks the bakery should have a box one size larger. How many muffins would the new box hold? Explain.

Your Health, Your Partner

2007-10-16T16:12:00.000-05:00

As some of you may know, my wife FrankenKristin had brain surgery at The Chiari Institute (TCI) in New York two years ago to correct a symptomatic Chiari 1 Malformation. The need for the surgery stemmed from two car accidents that occurred in 2005. To read about that experience, follow the links on the right under the heading “There and Back Again: FrankenKristin’s Tale.” Since then we have been engaged in an ongoing battle with our health insurance company to cover her follow up care as well as a lawsuit against the driver in the first accident. We have yet to address the second.

By all accounts surgery was successful in alleviating nearly all of her Chiari related symptoms. At that time, the doctors indicated that she may also suffer from craniocervical instability given her anatomical structure and the whiplash she experienced. They indicated that this would not be clear until she had made a full recovery from the Chiari surgery.

Two years the Chiari surgery still remains a success However, after countless hours spent expermeinting with various treatment protocols, it is time to determine whether craniocervical instability is the source of her current situation and what we should do about it. Fortunately we had the support of her primary physician as well as the chief of neurosurgery at the flagship hospital in town to return to TCI for assessment. And yet, our insurer denied coverage contending that the diagnostic procedure TCI used is “investigational/experimental” and therefore not covered under our plan. Of course they informed us of our right to appeal. Which we did.

What follows is the statement I wrote last week in response to their decision. Enjoy.

To: Appeal Review Committee
From: Sven
Re: Appeal for coverage on behalf of FrankenKristin

It is on behalf on my wife FrankenKristin that I am writing this letter. Because of her current symptoms she finds it difficult to sit at a desk for any length of time. Since we’ve had insurance coverage through providers other than HealthPartners during the last two and a half years, her medical chart may not provide a complete representation of her current situation. Because of this, I am submitting the following statement in an effort to introduce additional information that should prove useful.

As you know, we are seeking coverage for care that is to be provided by The Chiari Institute in New York. The initial decision to deny coverage was based on the argument that invasive cervical traction is an experimental/investigational procedure. However, it is not solely for the purpose of invasive cervical traction that she is returning to The Chiari Institute, but rather to establish or rule out the presence of craniocervical instability and to determine the possible need for craniocervical fusion.

She had initially scheduled only the invasive cervical traction, due to time constraints and with the hope that she would assess the next steps in conjunction with her primary physician once we returned home - including the possibility of working within the network. However, given her current symptomology, the complexity of her surgical case and the recommendation made by the Chief of Neurosurgery at Regions Hospital it has been determined that The Chiari Institute is the only facility capable of providing care. Her intent to return to The Chiari Institute is based the following factors:

 The Chiari Institute is widely accepted within the neurosurgical community as the leading multidisciplinary center for the management and treatment of Chiari Malformation, syringomyelia, and other related disorders including basilar invagination, craniocervical instability, and spinal cord tethering. Dr. Thomas Milhorat and the team at The Chiari Institute are generally regarded as the foremost experts in the care and treatment of Chiari Malformation and related disorders. Their research and clinical practice represent the leading edge of care and treatment of these disorders and sets the industry standard.

 In 2005 FrankenKristin was diagnosed at The Chiari Institute as having a symptomatic Chiari I Malformation. She underwent posterior fossa decompression and C1/ partial C2 laminectomy the same year to correct this malformation and has found relief from many of the Chiari-related symptoms. Surgery was performed by Dr. Milhorat, Founder of The Chiari Institute and Chief of Neurosurgery at North Shore University Hospital, and Dr. Paulo Bolognese, Assistant Director of The Chiari Institute. Dr. Milhorat prepared a detailed operative report which described the nature of the surgery in the following terms:

“Posterior fossa decompression under color Doppler ultrasonography guidance consisting of a suboccipital craniotomy, C1 and partial C2 laminectomy, dural opening, microlysis of arachnoidal adhesions, bipolar shrinkage of the cerebral tonsils, expansile duraplasty implying autogeneous pericranium, and remodeling of the posterior cranial fossa with a titanium mesh/acrylic cranioplasty.”

 The pre-operative report noted the presence of retroflexed odontoid with pannus formation, Eagle’s syndrome, dilated central canal and possible craniocervical instability. It is for the signs and symptoms consistent with craniocervical instability, which she is currently experiencing, that she intends to return to the Chiari Institute for further evaluation. Craniocervical instability is defined as hyper mobility of the craniocervical junction where the head joins the neck. It is not uncommon to see this complication in patients, post-Chiari decompression, who have also experienced traumatic whiplash - which is the case for FrankenKristin. If the evaluation confirms the presence of craniocervical instability, the indicated surgical treatment is craniocervical fusion.

 Following the direction of her primary care physician, Dr. David Caccamo, she has attempted a series of non-invasive treatments for these symptoms, within the Health Partners network, as well the network offered by our previous insurance provider, in an attempt to achieve adequate and lasting relief. To date none of the prescribed treatments has proved anything other than temporary.

 In an effort to explore additional treatment and possible surgical options, Dr. Caccamo contacted the Health Partners Assistant Medical Director, who consulted with Dr. Mark Larkins, Chief of Neurosurgery at Regions Hospital. Regarding the consultation, Kristin’s medical chart indicates per Dr. Larkins, that she should return to The Chiari Institute for follow up care. Dr. Larkins went on to say that Dr. Milhorat, is a world expert in Chiari Malformations and that there may be nuances in her surgical case that they would be best able to address. Dr. Larkins also felt that to see him or any other Twin Cities neurosurgeon would not be worth her time.

 Earlier this year a preliminary indication of craniocervical instability was made by Dr. Paulo Bolognese of The Chiari Institute through the review of various self-assessment tools as well as results from cervical extraction tests. Based upon these finding he recommended that Kristin return for a complete evaluation to establish or rule out the presence of craniocervical instability and the possible need for craniocervical fusion.

 In 2005 Dr. Mihorat presented research at the annual conference of the American Syringomyelia Alliance Project (1) where he highlighted the frequent occurrence of craniocervical instability in Chiari I Malformation patients and identified the proper course of diagnosis and treatment - before and after decompression. In that presentation he explains that craniocervical instability, which can occur post-decompression, is generally not provable by radiographic studies and that the only definitive diagnosis is through invasive cervical traction.

 According to The Chiari Institute, invasive cervical traction is a definitive test for establishing the diagnosis of craniocervical instability with functional cranial settling. The goals of invasive cervical traction are 1) to establish or rule out the diagnosis of craniocervical instability with functional cranial settling; (2) to identify patients who do not require craniocervical fusion, thereby avoiding an unnecessary surgical step; (3) to identify patients who are potential candidates for craniocervical fusion - in extraction and (4) to acquire precise radiographic and extraction weight measurements that can be reproduced at the time of the craniocervical fusion to maximize the likelihood of optimal outcome. It is policy at The Chiari Institute that all patients with clinical suspicion of craniocervical instability with functional cranial settling undergo invasive cervical traction prior to surgery.

 In determining the diagnosis of craniocervical instability, the presence of retroflexed odontoid with pannus formation combined with the previous posterior fossa decompression and C1/partial C2 laminectomy, complicate the surgical case to the degree that only someone with an expert level of experience with these conditions as well as intimate knowledge of her anatomical structure and previous surgical history should be considered. While it has been argued, albeit incorrectly, that invasive cervical traction is an investigation/experimental procedure, craniocervical fusion is not. Performing a fusion to address craniocervical instability is commonly accepted across the neurosurgical community. The use of invasive cervical traction by The Chiari Institute is an essential tool in establishing not only the need for surgery but also in acquiring precise indicators that can be reproduced at the time of surgery to maximize the likelihood of optimal outcome.

 Given the factors surrounding her previous posterior fossa decompression and C1/partial C2 laminectomy, the level of expertise and clinical success rate at The Chiari Institute, the nuances of her surgical case including the presence of a retroflexed odontoid with pannus formation, as well as the endorsement and referral of the Chief of Neurosurgery at Regions Hospital, it is clear that her current situation indicates that The Chiari Institute is the only facility capable of offering the proper diagnosis and treatment.

As you can imagine, each day is more difficult than the last. Up until the last few years, FrankenKristin has always enjoyed a physically active lifestyle and has been a role model for our children by actively engaging with them and promoting their enjoyment of physical health. Her current symptoms have left her unable to pursue most physical activity with our children. She experiences severe, sometimes debilitating pain almost daily which affects not only our family, but her work as well. She has been a Social Worker at Regions Hospital for almost 9 years, a career she truly loves. Although the job is challenging, and rewarding it is increasingly more difficult to make it through each day as her pain becomes more and more unbearable. Even though she is an on-call employee she very rarely accept extra shifts, as the pain at the end of each work day is prohibitive.

She has pursued and made a good faith effort to follow a course of pain management and physical rehabilitative treatments within the network, and now believes, with the support of nearly every medical professional she has seen, that it is appropriate to return to The Chiari Institute for further assessment and treatment. We acknowledge that insurance providers do not make these decisions lightly and yet we remain hopeful that she may secure the coverage necessary to restore her health. The prospect of traveling across the country for yet another surgical procedure is not easy for us, as it will require once again disrupting our lives and leaving our children behind. However, the potential for improved functioning and reduced pain will offset any short-term inconvenience. We pray that HealthPartners will provide the approval and coverage necessary for her treatment and future healing.

We appreciate your attention in this matter. Please contact me if you require additional information.

Sincerely,

Sven

(1) A video of the presentation can be found on The Chiari Institute website: Click on Ehlers-Danlos Conference.

Voyage To The Bottom Of The Tub

2007-10-10T16:50:00.000-05:00

My son is now old enough to take a bath on his own. Sort of. He still requires some supervision and, since we prefer to keep the bathroom floor dry, assistance reaching the removable spout when washing his hair.

Typically, when it is his turn to take a bath, we let him get in and play for a while before washing his hair and helping him finish up. After all, he may be a big mature 8 year-old at school but he’s not above a few bath toys and some time to goof around in the safe confines of his own home.

Last night FrankenKristin drew his bath and left him to his own devices while I finished cleaning up the kitchen and helping his sister with her homework. After a time, I went to check on him and noticed that he only had one item with him in the tub. However, instead of the typical, action figure, squirt gun, floating dinosaur, or boat made of Legos, he had what looked like a large plastic cylindrically-shaped test tube type thing. Where it came from and how it got in the bath tub I have no idea.

Upon seeing this object in his hand my first thought was, “I hope he doesn’t put that thing on his penis.” The thought had not even completely formed in my head before he proudly exclaimed, “Look Dad, my winkie has a submarine!” At which time proceeded to join the two objects, submerging them both underwater. All the while making one of those “VRRRSSHHRRROOM!!” sounds that is apparently customary for large underwater vessels.

The dictatorial father in me would have scolded him for such lewd behavior. Or I could have left him filled with embarrassment by informing him that his is hardly large enough to be called a submarine. I might have even reminded him the more accurate euphemism is torpedo. Instead I simply looked at him and said, “Be careful, you don’t want to get that thing stuck in there.”

I turned to walk away and resisted, with every fiber of my being, the desire to burst out in laughter.

Life, Liberty And The Pursuit Of Smoke

2007-10-01T07:34:00.000-05:00

Beginning today, a new law takes effect in MN requiring bars and restaurants across the state to ban smoking inside their establishments. Now all Minnesotans are free to destroy their livers without the additional fear of poisoning their lungs as well. As someone who makes the occasional attempt to sing his way through an evening at said smoke-filled bars, I for one, am relieved. Hopefully, I will no longer be forced to spend my post-gig days on a steady diet of lemon tea and cough drops.

Not surprisingly the “smoker’s rights” crowd is heralding this as an affront to the basic civil liberties upon which this country was founded. Never mind that smoking itself has not been outlawed just the privilege (not the right) of doing so inside a building. Nonetheless the Chickens Little’s are predicting dire consequences for the hospitality industry. To hear them tell it, the fate our entire economy hangs in the balance. How New York City managed to survive after similar restrictions were implemented in that city apparently remains a mystery.

However, in the spirit of congeniality I offer this short story written by Steve Martin which first appeared in the book Cruel Shoes. May it soothe the savage lungs.

The Smokers

He lit the cigarette and smoked it down to the filter in one breath. He silently thanked the Winston Company for being thoughtful enough about his health to include a filter to protect him. So he lit up another. This time he didn’t exhale the squeaky-clean filtered smoke, but just let it nestle in his lungs, filling his body with that good menthol flavor. Some more smokers knocked on his door and they came in and all started smoking along with him.

“How wonderful it is that we are all smoking”, he thought.

Everybody smoked and smoked and after they smoked they all talked about smoking and how nice it was that they were all smokers and then they smoked some more.

Smoke, smoke, smoke. They all sang “Smoke That Cigarette” and Smoke Gets In Your Eyes.” Then the smokers smoked one more cigarette and left him alone in his easy chair, about to relax and enjoy a nice quiet smoke. And then his lips fell off.

P.S. On Saturday we will bury FrankenKristin’ uncle. He died last week of lung cancer after 60+ years of smoking.

Lucky In Love

2007-09-24T15:22:00.000-05:00

Today is Sven and FrankenKristin’s 13th wedding anniversary. I know, 13 is supposed to be an unlucky number but given everything we’ve been through the last two years it seems that our luck has got to improve sometime. Besides, FrankenKristin was born on the 13th so if she was doomed I would have known a long time ago. I think.

In thinking about what to get her as a gift I found that the traditional gift for a 13th anniversary is lace. Sure, I get her a Teddy, stocking or some other fancy lingerie but what difference would that make? It all looks the same lying on the floor next to the bed. And frankly, a table cloth or handkerchief is just not that romantic.

The modern alternative is fur. Right. Like she would wear fur. I suppose I could have saved all of the hair they cut off before her brain surgery and made a nice muffler or stole but I guess I wasn’t thinking that far ahead. And no matter how much she and the kids beg we’re not getting another animal,.

Flowers are out. hollyhocks, the traditional 13th-year flower are out of season and roses are just to…predictable.

I also checked a few websites advertising “creative” and “unique” ideas for showing your wife how much you love her. I’m sorry but making her dinner, helping the kids with their homework, washing her car and telling her that I love her, is neither creative nor unique. They are the things one should be doing anyway. You can’t take credit for stuff you should be doing anyway.

I also thought about re-posting last year’s anniversary message or my Valentine’s Day post from a couple of years ago but frankly, that’s just lazy.

So here I am, 13 years married, two beautiful kids, a wonderful home and job, and great in-laws. I have just about everything I guy could ask for (well there is one more thing, but that can wait until the kids go to bed) and yet I can’t think of a “creative” or “unique” way of saying it. And yet I couldn’t be happier. Maybe that’s why too many couples get divorced. They grow disillusioned and fail to see beauty when things become ordinary.

Happy Anniversary, FrankenKristin. I love you. What time are we putting the kids to bed?

Shutterbug

2007-09-18T16:55:00.000-05:00

I caught these two hanging around outside my window. They must be educated fleas.

Mars vs. Venus

2007-09-11T07:18:00.000-05:00

The difference between Sven and FrankenKristin:

I only have one item on my "Honey Do" list.

How's Your Sister

2007-09-07T07:48:00.000-05:00

My sister, the breast cancer survivor, recently sent out this update. I thought I might share it with you.

I know I have mentioned to some of you before my feelings on finding out I had breast cancer, but I would like to share with all of you that I have never believed that God gave me cancer or do I believe that God allowed me to have cancer. I do believe that God gave me a hug strategically delivered by (my son) Jacob that led me to find the lump so that I could find it early and get it out. God gently reminded that my mom had breast cancer, my aunt had breast cancer and 5 of my maternal great grandmother's sister's had breast cancer. I took those reminders and decided I should not wait until my yearly exam in August with my doctor to have the lump checked out.

And on that note, it is with most excitement that I SHOUT, "I am done with chemotherapy and I am now in the group that has an 85-90% chance of survival rate!!!." The last drug of Taxol was very manageable. My eyebrows and eyelashes thinned more. And I did experience some bone and joint pain usually 2-3 days after chemo for 2-3 days. It was usually mild during the day but hurt a little more when I would lie down at night. (nothing a little Vicadin wouldn’t take care of…) Oh but I could do without the hot flashes.

I will be returning to work on September 13th so I could use a little prayer that my transition back to work, getting up early, getting the kids ready, myself ready and everyone off to school, daycare and work with as little screaming as possible would be appreciated. I have gotten quite used to my 8-10 hours of sleep and very casual clothes.

This where I feel like I am giving my award speech...
Throughout this experience first and foremost I am grateful to God for blessing me with the most amazing man for me in my husband. I know that Jason's love for me has deepened during this journey, he is keeping his promise he made 8 years ago of "in sickness and in health". And when he looks me at me, I feel as beautiful to him today as the day we married. For my beautiful children who just love me because I'm their mommy. For my parents and parent in laws whose smiles of joy that greeted me the day I got out of surgery represented the epitome of unconditional love. For my sisters, brother, sister in laws and brother in laws who inspire, love and make me laugh. For Stephanie and Katie who organized dinners and kept my family well fed. To my sister Dianna for doing the 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk and our Goby's co-workers and customers who donated $2300 for her sponsorship. To my bosum buddy and breast cancer survivor of one year, Sandy who lifted my spirits and kept me encouraged. For my aunts, uncle, cousins, elementary, high school, UMD, softball, Goby's, US Bank, Station 4 B shift and wives, St. Paul firefighters, SJV and daycare friends and friends I have met along my 37 years, you have reminded me of the precious gift of friendship, and the kindness and generosity that goes along with it. You all have truly defined one of the greatest bible verses, 1 Corinthians 13 "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love."

Surgery and chemotherapy has taught me to become a little less vain and I have learned that hair and breasts do not define beauty or femininity. I know I am loved by you all for not what I look like on the outside but rather how I impact your life through my actions and words. Although, I did have a little bit of a struggle with the hair loss initially (oh who am I kidding, it's still a bit of struggle today) BUT, health is more important than vanity. And in the words of Jason again, "your hair will grow back, you’re doing the chemo so the cancer doesn't" (This does not mean however, that I will be skipping out on reconstruction… there is a reason God gave some people skills in plastic surgery).

And finally, this time I am early. Ladies, here is your reminder to please perform your monthly self-breast exam. If any of you ever finds something in your breasts that you think is suspicious, my recommendation is to get it checked as soon as possible and urge your doctor to have it checked by mammogram. I also strongly encourage you to have your baseline mammogram by the age of 35. Remember "early detection, early cure". Life, health, family, friends and faith are precious don’t ignore what your body is telling you out of fear.

Be strong. Love and peace to you all,
Sharyl

You're How Old?

2007-09-03T07:25:00.000-05:00

Today is my birthday. Am I supposed to feel different?

Three Nice Days For A Walk

2007-08-30T10:47:00.000-05:00

My youngest sister, who doesn't get nearly the credit she deserves, recently joined 2,500 of her closest friends in the Susan G. Komen for the Cure, Twin Cities Breast Cancer Three Day. Her group alone raised over $10,000. Learn more here.

Question Of The Day

2007-08-10T13:02:00.000-05:00

Why is it that MN Twins center fielder Torii Hunter only hits home runs when the team has a huge lead? Rarely, if ever do his homers factor in the final score.

Can you say "Over-rated?"

I Get A Kick Out Of You

2007-08-06T16:03:00.000-05:00

Soccer Association Fee: $60
Cleats (used): $14.99
Shin Guards (used): $9.99

Playing against your best freind: Priceless

Mine is the one in green.

Concrete and Barbed Wire

2007-08-03T11:21:00.000-05:00

In light of recent events I'm beginning to wonder why we encourage nursery school children to sing songs about bridges falling down. There is nothing pleasant about that.

Eat Your Heart Out Bindi Irwin

2007-07-23T20:31:00.000-05:00

Blonde Wigs and Double Ds

2007-07-18T09:52:00.000-05:00

My sister has reached the halfway point in here chemotherapy treatment. Last week she sent out this mid-term assessment. Some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Hi:

I know it has been a while since I have sent an update on how I have been feeling and how the chemotherapy is going, so I thought it was time to send out another update... (it's a long one)

As of this afternoon, I am finished with the first chemo drug. I actually tolerated the chemo very well. I had one bad week, a week after my second chemo, which in my opinion really was a result of a side effect of a side effect.

I thought I was mentally prepared to relinquish my high school title of "Best Hair" but, on Sunday, June 17th my hair was combing out in big strands. I knew it had been thinning so I decided to hold off on the washing of my hair. Monday, I washed my hair and I had a lot of hair in my hands by the time I was done. Then I tried to comb while it was wet and it was a very depressing moment. I decided I had to get rid of it. Compliments of my friend and stylist of many years, we made it through the shaving of my head with only welled up eyes. Playing around with hats and wigs for the next few days and trying to avoid mirrors like the plague as well as dealing with the humidity, I developed a sinus headache and then caught a stomach virus bug for 36 hours. But by Sunday evening June 24th, I was feeling like my old self again (minus the boobs and hair, hee-hee).

I am actually quite comfortable now, in just wearing a engineer type baseball hat. And I have been so comfortable around the house not wearing anything on my head at home that I have been scaring the neighborhood kids a little. (running outside or answering the door with nothing on my head, not even realizing I am not wearing anything, I am working on the title of the scary lady that lives on the corner) However, I finally received my blonde wig that I have been waiting for and looks a lot like the short haircut, I got, compliments of my sister Dianna ( she didn't cut it) in May. I never would have thought, I could pull off a short sassy haircut but I loved it!!! Now it won't take me as long to grow my hair back ( I say that now...).

Also, due to the support, research and funding of organizations such as the Komen Foundation, scientists have been able to discover 2 known mutations (BRAC1 & BRCA2) and are working on 2 more that are genetically inherited that significantly increase a woman's lifetime risk of breast cancer and ovarian cancer as well as a very slight increase for men to develop breast and certain other cancers.

At my second chemo treatment, I learned that I carry a mutation in the BRCA 1 gene. So, if there was any hesitation in my mind about my decision to do a bilateral mastectomy, after meeting with a Cancer Geneticist, I no longer have any regrets or uncertainty. (the bilateral mastectomy greatly reduces my risk for recurrence) I will also be removing my ovaries in the near future as it no longer serves a purpose for me and it will decrease my risk of ever developing ovarian cancer to about 4% and it also reduces my risk of recurrence of breast cancer.

Fortunately, I have responded extremely well to the anti nausea drugs I get in my IV during chemo and a drug I take the day of and 2 days after chemo. I still exercise 4-5 days a week (lighter workouts in the week after chemo) and since I don't experience any nausea I am able to eat everything I was able to before I started chemo. I don't know exactly what to expect with the next treatment of Taxol. I know what they tell me, but they also told me that women my age don't tend to do so well during chemo. This new drug doesn't really have the nausea side effects but can cause your bones and joints to ache and my doctor told me that people that don't get nausea with the drug I am now, tend to experience more aching on Taxol. I am going with, I will tolerate this drug just like I did the last one.

I know your prayers, love, cards and meals are what helped me through the first round, so of course it will help me through the next. I will be done with my chemo on September 6th. Just in time to enjoy all the fun of back to school, my youngest son's birthday, my sister in law's wedding showers and wedding in October, which we are all in, (I think I will borrow my mom's 500cc implants to fill out the dress) and the joyous holidays. And my Christmas Carol this year will be, "all I want for Christmas is some Double D's" j/k (I hope to schedule my reconstruction sometime in November, I am window shopping right now for the right size, hee-hee)

I am abundantly blessed to have each one of you in my life. You have all reminded me of the way God brings us love, compassion, generosity and kindness delivered by family and friends. Your words of encouragement and hope, keep me positive and renew my strength. From the depth of my heart and soul, I am forever grateful and thankful for the way each one of you in your own individual way have brightened my day and have helped me to find joy and inspiration during this speed bump. And the hubby tells me that I am a MAC truck.

Love and hugs,
Sven's Sister

PS: To all the ladies in the crowd, I know I am a day late but yesterday was the 11th and as your KARE 11 "Buddy", here is my reminder to do your self breast exam. Feel 'em up girls!!!

Pray For Us Sinners

2007-07-12T09:13:00.000-05:00

Dear Mr. Pope,

I read an article in the paper today regarding your recent statement reasserting the primacy of the Catholic Church and claiming that all other Christian communities are either defective or not true churches. From one Catholic to another, I may as well be the one the one to tell you - that's a bunch of nonsense.

Although we may claim to trace the lineage of our bishops back to Peter, we don’t necessarily have direct access to heaven. It’s this exact sort of rhetoric that causes people to hate Catholics. After, the priest-sexual-abuse scandal, the last thing we need is more animosity.

Your claim that the Catholic Church is "the only means to salvation" must have come as quite a shock to many good and decent people - including Jesus and his mother. I'm sure you have heard, but they were Jews. Not exactly the type of people you seem to be including in your "Church".

After I read the article I spent some time looking through the Gospels as well as most of the New Testament. I couldn't find any mention of Jesus asserting the primacy of the Catholic Church anywhere. In fact, I don't think he even mentioned it. (As an aside, he never said anything about homosexuality either, but that's a subject for a different letter).

Rather, I got the distinct impression that Jesus wasn't a big fan of organized religion. He seemed to spend a great deal of time challenging the leaders of the day, pointing out their hypocrisy and holding them to a high standard. Or in his words, a new covenant - that being one of self sacrificial love and service to others as well as a faithful devotion to God. Which in my estimation is different from blindly following an elected leader and his archaic proclamations.

You went on to say that "Christ established here on earth only one church". Surely you can't be serious? A scholar such as yourself must know that Jesus didn't set out to establish a new "church" as much as reform the existing one. He did create a quite a following though, and eventually a number of faith communities sprang up in the wake of his death and resurrection. However, it wasn’t until the 4th Century when Emperor Constantine converted to Christianity and took up the sword for the Holy Roman Empire that the Catholic Church really came into prominence. Sadly, that may have also been one of the worst things to ever happen to the legacy of Jesus. It’s pretty tough to carry the cross when you’re also wielding a sword.

I know you’re not alone though. There are lots of folks, of all religious varieties, who claim to know the true path to salvation. “If you simply believe what I believe you’ll have a guaranteed place in heaven”, they say. While that may prove to be true, it seems to me that the world could do with a little more humility. Particularly on the part of Christians. If we spent less time talking about Jesus and more time acting like him we may actually begin to experience the Kingdom of God here on earth.

Meanwhile, I’ll be praying for you.

Together, humbly, in Christ,

Sven

Sven's Personal Mailbag

2007-06-27T15:52:00.000-05:00

From the mailbag…

“Hey Sven,

What have you been up to lately?”

Well, let’s see…

-School let out at the beginning of June so I have been spending most of my days goofing around with the kids.

- FrankenKristin and I caught some fish.

- My nephew Taylor graduated from high school. A week later he turned 18.

- My grandmother returned from AZ and finally made her way back to the cabin. She found a new friend in Samantha.

- Emma finally scored a goal in soccer. She scored another a few games later.

- FrankenKristin went to South Carolina to watch her nephew graduate from boot camp. Last time she went away with her sister she came back with a tattoo. This time she returned unscathed.

- My middle sister seems to be holding up fairly well after two rounds of chemo. The same cannot be said for her hair.

- I painted the garage.

- The kids were in the local parade.

- My aunt had brain surgery. Unlike FrankenKristin, her’s was to remove a tumor. Like FrankenKristin she will be leave with a titanium plate in her head.

- Luke had finally learned how to blow bubbles.

- We said goodbye to my oldest sister and her kids yesterday. They are moving to Sitka, AK. to join her husband who just finished the Alaska Law Enforcement Training Academy. According to Mapquest, Sitka is 2576.29 miles from St. Paul. Or 66 hours, 14 minutes by car. I don’t think they will be asking my folks to babysit any time soon.

- I haven’t been on the computer much. The weather is too nice.

That Was Weird

2007-06-17T18:35:00.000-05:00

Before there was Green Day, before there was Nirvana and Pearl Jam, there was Hüsker Dü. The band to which the entire genre owes its undying allegiance.

They were from Minneapolis. My sister graduated with the drummer. They rock.

Enjoy one of the more awkward moments of their career appearing on the Twin Cities-based Good Company show in 1986. I don't think the old ladies in the audience quite knew what to make of it.

ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

2007-06-05T15:15:00.000-05:00

If I have to listen to one more dod gamn baby boomer tell me what a great album Sgt. Pepper is I might go postal!

I don't care whether you think it was the defining moment in rock 'n' roll history. (It wasn't).

I don't care how many times you sat in you mom's basement trying to name all of the people depicted on the cover.

I don't care how long you were able to hear the final chord.

And for Goodness sake, PAUL'S NOT DEAD!!! (His career is another story).

Caption Contest

2007-06-04T12:29:00.000-05:00

Any Suggestions?

2007-05-31T11:20:00.000-05:00

My sister starts her 16-week cycle of chemotherapy today? What does a person say to wish her well? I couldn’t find a Happy Chemo! section at the local Hallmark store and somehow wishing her luck doesn’t seem right either, (Good luck purposely injecting your body with toxic chemicals!).

Thoughts?

Question Of The Day

2007-05-25T09:37:00.000-05:00

When it comes to addressing the inadequacies of public school funding there are those of a certain political ideology who are fond of exhorting that the answer isn’t simply “throwing money at the problem”. This argument is used by people attempting to demonstrate their fiscal responsibility, when in actuality it is most often a thinly veiled disguise for a much more sinister agenda. Namely, the dismantling of public schools and the demonization of those across the political aisle.

Never mind the fact that we have never actually tried throwing an adequate amount of money at schools. In fact in many cases, such as special education services, the federal government doesn’t even fund its own mandates. Instead schools are expected to meet an ever increasing list of state and federal standards and outcomes in order to prove that they are worthy of a pittance that rarely comes close to meeting the inflationary cost of doing business.

Schools that fail to meet adequate yearly progress are subject to federal administrative takeover and loss of funding. Students at those schools are allowed the opportunity to transfer to another school in hopes of a better education - as if shifting students rather than fixing the system is the solution. If circumstances persist, underperforming schools may be closed all together.

I was thinking about this as I heard the news that Congress recently passed a $100 billion appropriation to fund the continual occupation of Iraq. With public support for the occupation at an all time low, an increasing number of retired military personal expressing concern over the President’s handling of the situation and a cumulative price tag of nearly half a trillion dollars, I would expect the so-called fiscal conservatives to be lining up like a Greek Chorus in defense of our precious tax money.

Ad yet, nothing.

Where are the calls for standards and outcomes? How about a performance-based funding strategy with allocation directly tied to the number of liberated Iraqis? If military administrators are unable to maintain a satisfactory level of competence, will enlisted personal be allowed to transfer to a different assignment? Will those failing administrators be replaced? At some point, if the situation doesn’t improve, they must surely plan to shut things down altogether. Afterall, its about supporting the troops, and they deserve better than what they've been given.

In recent government history, making "tough choices" has become code language for budget cutting. Whose making the tough choices now? For that matter, whose even asking the questions? If school administrators demanded money for their operations the way the President does they would be hung in effigy by the self-appointed economic watchdogs. And then they wouldn't get the money.

How long until the fiscal conservatives declare that simply “throwing money at the problem” in Iraq will no longer make a difference?

The silence is deafening.

Uff Da! (Corrected Spelling*)

2007-05-18T12:31:00.000-05:00

Last night we catered a Syttende Mai party at the home of the Royal Norwegian Consulate General on the shores of Lake Minnetonka. The party consisted mostly of old, silver-haired white people. There were a few token brunettes and one young woman who looked ambiguously ethnic but for the most part you knew darn well you were in financially secure confines of the Western Suburbs.

While it’s a long-running joke in Minnesota that Scandinavian Food is hopelessly bland, that myth is not entirely accurate. Few things in the world are more flavorful, or more pungent, than that Nordic favorite, Pickled Herring. One wiff is sure to make the eyes water, a small bite can send the mouth into spasmodic puckering the likes of which only Jim Carey could imitate. It may not be good flavor but it is flavor nonetheless.

Needless to say Herring was in abundance last night, and was one of the more popular items on the menu along with Smoked Salmon, Pasties and several blocks of cheese the size of small boulders. These may not have been the most refined palates in the world but they loved their fish, and ate it with abandon.

The essence and bouquet of Pickled Herring aside, many of the party guest found the Seared Tuna to their liking, until their taste buds registered the accompanying Wasabi Paste. That's when the sirens went off.

"Uff Da!"

"Oh geez, dat has a little bite to it, den!"

"Lena, get me some water, der!"

Fortunately the guest were able to neutralize the sensation with Boiled Potatoes and Deviled Eggs.

* FrankenKristin, who excels at revealing my numerous flaws, alerted me to the correct spelling of Uff Da. Damn Danes!!! After all these years they are still trying to control us Norwegians.

Well, The Truth Is...

2007-05-09T22:25:00.000-05:00

Someone told me the other day that they no longer participate in the Susan G. Komen Foundation Race for the Cure because, as they put it, “the Komen Foundation funds abortion clinics”. The basis for their argument went something like this:

1. The Susan G. Komen Foundation is dedicated to funding research to eliminate breast cancer.
2. Some of the money raised during the Race for the Cure is granted to organizations such as Planned Parenthood.
3. Planned Parenthood is an abortion clinic.
4. A foundation dedicated to breast cancer research should not fund abortion clinics.

In order to strengthen their case against the Foundation the following supporting arguments were made:

1. Although a few studies have questioned the link, research has shown a direct correlation between abortions and breast cancer .
2. Several executives at the Susan G. Komen Foundation make over $90,000 per year.
3. Employees of a non-profit organization shouldn’t make that much money.

Since I am not an expert on, nor have any affiliation with, The Susan G. Komen Foundation I was surprised to hear all these thing and decided to do some investigation.

But first a little history.

The Susan Komen was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1978. Before her death at the age of 36, she asked her sister to do everything possible to bring an end to breast cancer. As a result, The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation (SGKF) was created in 1982. The primary mission of SGKF is to eradicate breast cancer as a life-threatening disease by advancing research, education, screening and treatment.

Research advancement is achieved through relationships with medical and cancer centers throughout the United States, as well as internationally. Treatment and screening programs, primarily funded through the Foundation’s Affiliates, produce affordable treatment and screening for the medically underserved and other target populations. The Foundation’s reach has expanded tremendously since its inception, due in large part to the Komen Race for the Cure Series and other fundraising programs and events.

More than 25 years later, the SGKF is a global leader in the fight against breast cancer and is one of the world’s largest private funders of breast cancer research and community outreach programs. As a direct result of their work, today more than 75% of all women over the age of 40 receive regular mammograms, the single most effective tool for early detection of breast cancer. When caught early enough, the 5-year survival rate is 98%.

In an effort to find out a little bit more I went to the Komen Foundation website and did a search on administrative costs. There I found the 2005-06 Final Audited Financial Statement. It states that in FY 2006 the SGKF listed its total contributions as $228 million. Add to that the interest on investments and the net total revenue came in at just under $243 million.

Expenses were broken into two categories, supporting services and program services. Supporting services included general and administrative costs totaling roughly $21 million, and fundraising costs which were $25 million for a total of $46 million. Program services included $61 million for research, $71 million for public health information, $27 million for health screening services and $13 million for treatment services. The grand total of which is $172 million or almost four times as much as that spent on supporting services.

In fact, if you take the $21 million for administrative cost as a percentage of the total expenses ($218 million) you will find that it makes up slightly less than 10% which is standard practice in the non profit world. While you could argue that a non-profit executive should be driven by altruistic motives, a $90,000 salary is quite small compared to those in for-profit health care.

So what about the claim that the SGKF funds abortion clinic, specifically, Planned Parenthood. There’s more to that story as well.

In addition to funding research, SGKF, working through a network of Affiliates, also funds non-duplicative, community-based Screening, Treatment, and Educational Programs (STEP) for underserved populations. According to the 2005 STEP Report, SGKF awarded 1384 STEP grants in 2005 designed to use proven strategies in serving diverse populations reaching those most in need of screening, treatment, assistance and education. Of those 1384 grants roughly 20 were awarded to Planned Parenthood clinics. A review of the recipient list reveals that not one of those clinics used their STEP grant award to support anything other than programs dedicated to breast cancer. Here is a partial list:

Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains Glenwood Springs Health Center
Glenwood Springs, CO
-Glenwood Springs Health Center of Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains (PPRM) is committed to ensuring that women of all ages obtain regular breast cancer screenings, with the goal of identifying breast cancer at an early and treatable stage. Our target population is uninsured and underinsured women, Latinas and women otherwise in need.

Planned Parenthood of Idaho
Boise, ID
- Planned Parenthood of Idaho (PPI) will continue to address the need for breast cancer education and screening among low-income women and Latinas in southwestern Idaho. We will continue our breast cancer screening fund, which provides PPI clients having breast abnormalities with referrals and financial assistance for follow-up services with breast cancer specialists in Boise and Twin Falls. PPI will also expand outreach efforts to the Latina community in southwestern Idaho.

Program Planned Parenthood of Northern New York, Inc.
Watertown, NY
-Planned Parenthood of Northern New York (PPNNY) and the State University of New York at Potsdam (SUNY Potsdam) have teamed up to create a campus-based outreach program to provide breast health education and to promote importance of early detection and screening for breast cancer. PPNNY and SUNY Potsdam will offer interactive breast health education workshops and events throughout campus during the academic year. These events are designed to increase awareness of the incidence of breast cancer in young women and to promote positive breast health and the importance of early detection and diagnosis as a means of prevention. The outreach program will reach students in campus housing, in local sororities and throughout the college campus.

Planned Parenthood of Connecticut, Inc.
New Haven, CT
-The South Norwalk Breast Cancer Early Detection Program’s goal is to identify breast cancer in the early stages, while it is still responsive to treatment. The Program works with women who have no insurance or whose insurance does not cover breast cancer screening, and targets women over 40 or women ages 35-39 who have risk factors for breast cancer.

The list goes on but the essence is the same. Not only is Planned Parenthood’s role in the detection and treatment of breast cancer laudable, it is vital. To demonize SGKF for its relationship with Planned Parenthood is a mistake.

As for Planned Parenthood itself, while they do indeed perform abortions, clearly that is not all they do. Regardless of how you feel about abortion, reproductive health care or the racist Eugenics of Planned Parenthood’s founder Margaret Sanger, the organization has taken on an important role in the fight against breast cancer and it is unfair to simply dismiss it as an abortion clinic while ignoring their other essential services.

Lastly, the Abortion-Breast Cancer connection. For decades, pro-life advocates have attempted to draw a link between abortion or miscarriage and breast cancer. The issue became political in 2002 when the National Cancer Institute posted information potentially linking abortion and breast cancer on its website, despite the lack of evidence. The connection was debunked in 2003 by a panel of international experts put together by the US National Cancer Institute. Those findings were supported recently by and extensive study released by Harvard University. Even Fox News admits that there is no connection between abortion and breast cancer so it must be true.

Ultimately it comes down to this, everyone is entitled to donate to the charities that best fit their values and interests. But those decisions should be based on fact, not anecdote.

Pink Ladies

2007-05-07T10:45:00.000-05:00

Today my 36 year-old sister has surgery to remove cancer from her breasts. My mother, a survivor herself, will be by her side. Please think nice thoughts for her.

***UPDATE***

I saw my sister yesterday afternoon. The surgery was successful. The doctors believe that they were able to remove all of the cancer and did not see signs that it had spread anywhere else in her body. She looked and sounded good as felt incredibly relieved.

Whose Stigma Is It Anyway?

2007-04-24T14:12:00.000-05:00

This is in response to a recent post by Atilla The Mom. Please read it here first.

Atilla-

I've been "busy" lately so I haven't had much time to visit. It is interesting to me that this is the post I came back to.

While I won't claim to know a whole lot about Autism or Asperger's syndrome I will say that I have worked with a few identified students in the past 10 years, so I have at least some familiarity. Although one student, a third grader, showed an amazing proficiency at the piano and another an eighth grader, held more than a passing affinity for WWII aircraft neither of these students fell into the category of circus freak, organ monkey or as you so delicately put it, “retard”. Rather, they were all young men (coincidence?) attempting to navigate the already challenging environment of 21st century life with a disability that I don’t think any of them completely understood.

As for their parents, I will say that although none of them came across as sympathy-seeking victims, it was nonetheless clear that each felt at least some sense of skepticism regarding the way the general population viewed their child, and thus them. I believe the general population has an extremely limited understanding as to what Autism is and is not, as you know all too well. Those of us charged with educating students living with Autism are in some ways ahead of the curve in terms of our understanding and yet we too have an enormous learning curve when it comes to how this particular disability plays out in real life.

I remember one young man I worked with named “Ben”. He was a 4th grader diagnosed with Asperger’s, AD/HD and Tourette’s, all for which his parent’s were unwilling to consider medication as a possible tool. Add to that the fact that he was identified as Gifted/Talented and enrolled in a GT magnet school and you can imagine that I had my work cut our for me.

Near the end of the school year it became clear that the everyday routine of 4th grade life was just a bit to structured for his tastes. Eventually the decision was made to provide him with home-based instruction and allow him to finish the school year under the care of his parents. Although I’m a social worker not a teacher, I was the only one who volunteer for the job so I was assigned as his home-tutor.

Four-days-a-week I would go to his house and try as best I could to teach math, reading and science. Half of our time was spent discussing everything other than his school work, while the other half was spent trying to retrain our focus. Week after week went by and my sense of hopelessness increased with each lesson. I often left feeling as though I had failed in attempting to connect with this young man (let alone teach) and had wasted his and his parent’s time.

On our last visit Ben gave me a card that he had made on the computer. The cover featured a bloody skull with the eyeballs hanging out and a huge axe slicing a diagonal gash the sizes of a small canyon across the top of the head. On the inside he had written, Thanks! in blue crayon. It was at that moment I realized he had been with me all along. He wasn’t some possessed miscreant hell-bent on making our time together as miserable as possible. The trouble wasn’t that I couldn’t connect with his but that I was unable to see how I had. Clearly I was the one with the problem not him.

Which gets me to the part about Stigma.

As a school social worker I had been trained to be wary of any expression of violence, death or destruction on the part of our students. This was right around the time of the Columbine High School shooting so we were told to pay close attention whenever a student demonstrated any fascination with the killing. The card naturally threw my colleagues into a collective tizzy over the “horrendous” depiction. Many a hand was wrung at “what else this child might be capable of” and the sort of home environment his parents provided. Not just a few judgments about them were passed. I however knew that in his own twisted way, he was truly and sincerely offering gratitude in a manner that made sense to him. After all, if he’s delighted by the sight of decapitated cartoon heads, shouldn’t everyone be?

That was the last time I ever saw him as I took new job later that summer. By now I would imagine he’s graduate from high school. I hope so. Nonetheless, I have no doubt that he and his parents have spent the last decade dealing with all manner of disrespect directed both at him as a person and them as parents. I would guess that at times it could become overwhelming. Even stigma generating.

That’s why I wasn’t surprised to see that an organization would want to eliminate the stigma of having a child with Autism. A little off the mark to be sure, but not an entirely bad goal in and of itself. The question is how are they going to go about doing that? Through lovingly caring for family members and providing them with every opportunity to enjoy the same things from life that all children share? By passionately advocating for the rights of people with Autism and removing barriers to success wherever they may exist? By educating anyone and everyone with the truth about what Autism is and is not? Or by suggesting that autistic children be drowned in the pool out back?

While I’m sure Autism Speaks would deny an outward endorsement of disability-based genocide their goal of “a world where no family has to live with autism” is specious to say the least and speaks volumes as to their true mission. Again, it all comes down what you do with what you are given. AS communications would indicate, as you have suggested, that their aim is self-serving and pity focused. Clearly they seem to be hurting rather than helping the cause of Autism awareness. But I also believe that there is truth to the statement that parents suffer, indeed in a much different way, from the misinformation and stigma of living with, raising and loving a child with Autism.

I can read it in your posts.

Your friend,

Sven

Pray For A Safe Return

2007-04-12T12:38:00.000-05:00

For the last few years I have provided guitar accompaniment, alongside the piano and mandolin players, for our church choir. Last weekend I learned that the youngest son of our piano player, a kid I know quite well, was deployed to Iraq this week. I offer this in hopes that he, and the rest of humanity, can get out of this mess alive.

David, Tom, Laurie, this is for you.

Down By The Riverside - Sister Rosetta Tharp

Game On!

2007-03-23T10:18:00.001-05:00

This is a video I made of the hockey team I coached this year. My daughter is the one in the maroon jersey.

I Don't Even Know What To Say - Update

2007-03-23T07:35:00.000-05:00

It looks like the police may have found their man.

Crystal Brown hopes that her nightmares will stop now that St. Paul police have arrested the man they believe decapitated her therapy dog and left its head in a gift box on her doorstep.

Why I Wish I Could Afford Cable

2007-03-19T12:37:00.000-05:00

This goal just wasn't the same on the radio.

Of course I didn't get to see this one either but that was back in 1979.

They were almost identical plays and in both cases featured Minnesota beating North Dakota for a Championship. In 1979 for the NCAA title and 2007 in the WCHA Final Five tournament.

Eat your heart out Ralph Engelstad.

Your Future Is In Your Hand

2007-03-16T12:19:00.000-05:00

In an effort to stem the tide of St. Patrick's Day related DWIs, the good folks at the Minnesota Department of Public Safety are employing a new trick to get the attention of drunken young men.

Talking urinal cakes.

The motion activited cakes feature a woman's voice encouraging guys to reconsider getting behind the wheel after tipping a few. They can be found in select bars across the metro area. You can listen to the message here.

Whether it works is anyone's guess. But I will say this, Talking Urinal Cakes would make a hell of a band name.

I Don't Even Know What To Say

2007-03-15T12:00:00.000-05:00

This article appeared in the online version of the (other) local paper today. Suffice it to say I'm speechless.

A girl's beloved dog, a grisly nightmare

By Mary Lynn Smith, Star Tribune

Crystal Brown's world was turned upside down a month ago when Chevy, her 4-year-old Australian shepherd mix, didn't come home.

"I told him everything and he never shared any of my secrets," said Crystal, 17, who has had some troubled times in her young life. Chevy was her therapy dog, and she leaned on him for comfort and support.

Two weeks ago, a gift-wrapped box was left at the house where she lives with her grandmother in St. Paul's Rice Street area. Inside the box, Crystal was horrified to find her dog's head.

"This was so cruel," Crystal said Wednesday. "This is one sick, twisted person."

The incident is considered so shocking that the Humane Society of the United States announced Wednesday that it was offering a reward of up to $2,500 for information leading to an arrest and conviction.

Homicide investigators are looking into the case because of the "implied" terroristic threat, St. Paul Police Sgt. Jim Gray said.

"This was extraordinarily heinous," said Dale Bartlett, the Humane Society's deputy manager for animal cruelty issues. "I deal with hundreds and hundreds of cruelty cases each year. When I read about this case, it took my breath away. It's horrible."

This case, Bartlett said, is far worse than a recent episode in Oshkosh, Wis., where a 49-year-old man decapitated two of his kittens because "they were annoying."

Sending the dog's head to the teenager was a malicious act, Bartlett said. "That level of depravity is beyond belief."

Shirley Brown, Crystal's grandmother, said that Chevy wandered off after she let him out one night in mid-February.

'It was just me and him'

Crystal peppered the neighborhood with "missing" posters, and went door to door with two photos of Chevy in hopes that someone had spotted him. She rode the bus countless times to the St. Paul animal shelter and called there "thousands of times," she said.

"I felt empty," Crystal said. "I couldn't talk to anyone. He was my dog. It was just me and him."

Then Shirley Brown came home one day and found a box wrapped in red paper on her front steps, with batteries taped to the box. "Congratulations Crystal," the note said. "This side up. Batteries included."

Shirley Brown placed the box on her granddaughter's bedroom dresser. "I was surprised and excited," Crystal said. "I thought it was a gift from my cousin."

She tore off the paper and ripped open the box. Inside, she found valentine candy and a black garbage bag. And then she saw her dog's face.

Crystal screamed and ran to the kitchen to find her grandmother: "Is this my dog, Grandma? No! That's not my dog? Is it my dog?"

An isolated incident

Gray said that investigators believe the case is an isolated incident and that the suspect knows the family. "We don't know what the motive would be," Gray said. "It's a terrible thing to do to someone's pet."

Anyone with information regarding this case is asked to call St. Paul police at 651-266-5659.

Chevy, Crystal said, was the best friend she ever had.

"He was more patient than any person I ever met. That dog waited for years for me to get myself together," said Crystal, who began to cry.

"That dog didn't care what I did, what I didn't do ... what anyone did to me. He didn't care about any of that. He just wanted to love me the way I loved him."

Crystal has a new puppy now, another Australian shepherd that she's named Diesel. The puppy's no Chevy. Not yet, anyway.

"Hopefully, he'll be my best friend," Crystal said. Hopefully, he will be my guide through life."

Mary Lynn Smith • 651-298-1550 • mlsmith@startribune.com

His Parents Must Be So Proud

2007-02-27T07:04:00.000-06:00

Asshat was a term coined by our good blogger friend Admiral Pooper Scooper to describe persons capable of any variety of ridiculous, disturbing or offensive behavior. Soon after, Attila the Mom created an award given to the most outrageous Asshat each week. Although I realize I may be violating her intellectual property rights by posting this, after reading this article I couldn’t resist.

So it is with great respect, and apologies, that I submit my nomination for Asshat of the Week.

It was reported today in the (other) local paper that a 16-year-old in Cloquet, MN. found it so amusing when he dumped a pitcher of ice water on a 90-year-old nursing home resident in June that he returned and did it twice more, in December and again last month. And then bragged about it to his buddies at school.

In the story the boy is quoted as saying,

“Me and [another teenager] were like, this is gonna be hilarious, 'cause this lady was talking to herself and she was yelling and stuff so we threw it on her," the 16-year-old boy told police, describing the first incident. “She started screaming and freaking out so we thought this was hilariously funny, and we were all talking about it in school and everyone was laughing about it."

Funny?!? Really?!?

Not to those of us with 90-year-old grandmothers. On any other reasonable human being, for that matter. I can’t even begin to count the different kinds of crap that this kid should have kicked out of him.

Fortunately, due some diligent investigation on the part of the nursing home administrator, the kid was charged last week with felony stalking.

For 10 days after the third incident, (the administrator) drove through school parking lots looking for the license plate, finally finding it at the school in Proctor. "The principal knew right away whose car it was," he said. "I told the police, 'Look, I know who that kid is, who his dad is and where the dad works. Do something, because we've got staff and families who are just waiting, and if those kids come back, somebody's going to jump them.'"

The County Attorney will ask the judge next week to certify the boy as an adult which exempts him from certain protections but is an insult to adults everywhere (except maybe Tom Green).

Now I like to think of myself as a forgiving person but I’m finding it really, really hard to muster and compassion for kid. I spent several years developing a community-based Restorative Justice Program in my community and truly believe in the power of forgiveness but, this one pushes me to the limit. I think of my own grandmother and how she might react. And what I might do as a result. Anything short of an Alabama Ass Whuppin' is too good for this turd.

Ask me tomorrow and I may have calmed down a bit. But not today.

Right Back At You

2007-02-26T13:06:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday to the The Man in Black.

Happy Valentine's Day

2007-02-14T00:09:00.000-06:00

Below is a rerun of last year's Valentine's Day Greeting but since I stand by every word I chose to post it again.

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On this Valentine's Day I'd like to list 10 reasons why I love my wife.

10. Kristin is funny!
Whether its the pursed-lips-to-avoid-being-kissed trick, the fake-booger-joke or her appreciation of Spinal Tap and Bizarro, Kristin makes me laugh. I'm particularly grateful that she still plays along with my stupid jokes after all these years.

9. Kristin loves her kids.
Although she originally entertained the thought of parenthood with ambivalence she quickly warmed to the idea about 5 seconds after Emma was born. She is keenly aware of their needs and showers them with affection. She loves them beyond measure and they know it.

8. Kristin is courageous.
Taking her health care into her own hands and traveling halfway across the country to allow a complete stranger to cut her head open takes a bit of courage. I am proud of her for not simply accepting the dismal opinions of local medical professionals and instead taking it upon herself to find the most qualified person possible to diagnose and treat her condition.

7. Kristin is strong.
While she does not feel so lately, her strength is more than just physical. Her spirit over the last two years is the quintessential embodiment of the Serenity Prayer.

6. Kristin loves dirt.
Her passion for gardening is generational and she has done wonderful things to make our small corner of the world more green. Although she may not call it such, gardening is an avocation to which she is truly gifted.

5. Kristin is optimistic.
Even in the face of enormous medical bills and the very real possibility that her symptoms may not improve she continued to believe that everything would work out because everything always works out. From the smallest to the largest, Kristin's glass is always at least half full.

4. Kristin is humble.
Unlike the glory-whore that is me, Kristin is perfectly happy to quietly go about her business, always doing the right thing, always thinking of the needs of others, always going beyond the expected and rarely, if ever, seeking reward or accolade. She may call it shyness but I call it grace.

3. Kristin has wild hairs.
Not on her head, although that is certainly a true as well. Kristin quite often gets what she calls "a wild hair" and will embark on a project that more often than not, involves completely removing, replacing, of renovating some part of our house or yard. Like the proverbial snowball rolling downhill the ideas quickly pick up momentum such that I am usually swept up before I can act as the "voice of reason". Whether it's the striped breezeway, the border garden, the new patio or the kitchen makeover, most, if not all of her wild hairs turn out better than I could have imagined.

2. Kristin is beautiful.
Enough said.

1. Kristin loves me too.
And for that I am the luckiest man alive.

"Wonderful Memories For Your Children"

2007-01-31T22:18:00.000-06:00

In my earlier post regarding our backyard ice rink heartsinsanfrancisco was kind enough to leave this comment:

When I lived on Christmas Lake, Excelsior, MN, my kids used to go out on the ice with snow shovels and brooms to make a skating rink. It's great that you were able to make it so smooth. You're building wonderful memories for your children.

Right. Last weekend the kids had a few of their buddies over for a friendly game shinny hockey. Since there was an equal number of boys and girls they chose to form along gender lines and engage in their own little battle of the sexes.

What the boys didn't consider is that the girls are older (and bigger) and that I am their coach. Which means they have repeatedly heard my mantra, "The puck belongs to you. If the other team has it, take it from them!"

All three of the girls show a strong propensity for defensive play and aren't afraid to "mix it up" if necessary. About half way through the game I observed a mad scramble for the puck deep in the corner. During the melee, one of the girls lost her balance and went a little high with the stick.

This was the result.

The offending player offered several apologies and willingly served a two-minute time out. Luke was treated with a few kisses and a cup of hot chocolate. Afterward, he managed to finish the game, this time with a helmet.

Wonderful memories indeed.

Pachelbel's Canon from Hell

2007-01-30T08:06:00.000-06:00

My Lucky Day

2007-01-18T16:29:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I was blessed with the good fortune of visiting with a uniformed public servant representing our local law enforcement agency. I was traveling across town for a mandatory meeting and was very near my destination when the officer was apparently alerted to an error in my motor vehicle operation and thus made an urgent attempt to notify me of my oversight. Her need to address me was so great that she employed a series of rhythmically flashing lights to in her attempt to gain my attention.

Once she had safely pulled me aside she approached my automobile and inquired about my schedule for the day and questioned my attention to detail. She administered a quiz on the local migratory customs and provided me with the information I was missing regarding the velocity with which one may legally travel on the adjacent thoroughfare.

In her assiduousness, she also alerted me to the fact that the thin plastic document indicating my permission to operate a motorized transportation device had exhausted its validity on the anniversary of my birth. I acknowledged that I was not aware that my certificate was out of compliance and informed her that the permission granting institution had not availed me of that fact via postal courier, as is the usual convention. She confirmed that the notification practice had ceased some time ago.

After reviewing her electronic records and establishing my status among the otherwise law abiding, she sent me on my way. And fortuitously, did not charge a fee for her services.

Skate Away

2007-01-16T07:45:00.000-06:00

I have been waiting all winter for enough snow and cold air to take this picture. I orginally put the rink up in early December. Back then we had about one week of cold weather so we were able to skate a few times. Then it got warm and we didn't get to use the rink for almost a month. Thanks to the plastic liner I was able to keep much of the water contained and as a result we had ice a week before the city rinks. However, last week the temperature dipped enough that we were able to maintain a solid sheet of ice. Sunday night we got about 6 inches of snow that will hopefully stick around for a while. So, if you're in the area, stop by and have a skate.

Hot Enough For You?

2007-01-08T21:14:00.000-06:00

Usually, the kids and I like to make a snowman in the front yard every winter. So far, this is the best we've been able to come up with this year. He might have been bigger if it weren't for the selfish snow-hogs in Colorado.

Thanks to Al Gore, Minnesota has had one of the warmest and dryest winters on record. And it's not just us, temps in NYC reached a record 72° over the weekend. In fact, until the last 24 hours, the only thing even close to cold winter weather we have had this season was during the week in December when our furnace went out.

Maybe my parents were right, by leaving the door open too long I am heating the whole neighborhood.

Blogger Pissed Me Off

2007-01-05T11:52:00.000-06:00

While I was happily enjoying the dulcet tones of Mr. Billy Idol, I was wooed by Blogger to switch over to the NEW IMPROVED BETA VERSION!!! Blogger promised me it was the best thing since the self-flushing toilet and that by making the change my life would improve in untold ways. What could be better.

So I switched. And then I found out that it was fraught with a number of "known issues" (not to mention all the unkown ones) not the least of which is that only other Beta users could leave comments.

What!?!

This was KNOWN and still Blogger suckered people into switching leaving them not knowing the known unknowns until you decide to make them known. Known knowns, unknown known, known unknowns...Enough of this Donald Rumsefled crap! The whole point of blogger is to develop imaginary friends and allow them to leave pithy comments on the inane things you have to say. How can this happen if one of the known issues is the inability to leave comments.

I got so damn mad I didn't speak to blogger for several weeks. I'm still a bit surly but I'm slowly getting over it.

It's A Nice Day For A White Christmas

2006-12-14T07:11:00.000-06:00

There comes a time in nearly every performer’s career, when, as a result of a whiskey-induced dare, a contractual obligation or a mad grab for cash, he/she/they grace the music world with a Christmas album. Over the years performers from every genre and musical style have either given thier take on standards such as White Christmas or Silver Bells or submitted their own contributions to the Holiday canon.

Not surprisingly, the quality of the music varies from timeless classics, (Bing Crosby, Vince Giraldi, Johnny Mathis) to novelties (The Chipmunks, Toolbox Christmas) to the downright unlistenable (Jackie Wilson, Kenny G). Even some amateurs have darkened the studio doorstep to lay down on wax their own version of Christmas cheer.

However, there are some artists who simply have no business writing, singing or even being associated with Christmas. Ozzy Ozbourne, Bob Dylan and Alice Cooper come to mind. Up until a few days ago I would have put Billy Idol in that category as well.

That was until I opened the Sunday ad for a locally based major electronics retailer, who by the who are a bunch of money-grubbing, profit-over-customer-focused bastards. But that’s another story. As FrankenKristin and I were looking over the ad, marveling at all the TVs and computers we can’t afford, we saw this picture staring back at us.

After cleaning up the coffee that had just been spit across the living room, we vowed to pick up a copy if only for the picture. Could it be that Billy Idol, the pin-up boy of Punk Rock himself, had gone all Perry Como on us? Surely this was a lark. Or better yet, a punk record disguised to send the Geritol set headlong into Depends territory.

After reading the Billy Idol website, as well as the liner notes, I was blown away by his utter sincerity. It seems that Billy Idol, Mr Flesh for Fantasy, fancies himself a regular Father Christmas.

What about the music, you say? Well, surprisingly, it’s not all that bad. The production is a little cheesy and some of the instrumentation sounds like it was done on a $79 Casio keyboard, but Billy does a pretty good job of not screwing around too much with tradition. The guy can carry a tune, which helps, and thankfully he knows how far so he avoids ruining a simple melody the way Mariah Carey might. He seems comfortable with most of the arrangements his gravely baritone voice is as strong as ever. In fact Rod Stewart should take notes because Billy’s voice sounds like what Rod can only wish for these days.

In addition to classics like “White Christmas”, “Frosty The Snowman” and “Silver Bells”, Billy has penned a few of his own including “Christmas Love” and the aptly named “Happy Holiday” (sure to piss off Bill O’Reilly). Both songs sound great and feature just a hint of that Billy Idol attitude. My only complaint is that the CD doesn’t come with more pictures. The sight of Billy Idol lounging in a high back easy chair next to the fireplace, donning a smoking jacket and slippers would be priceless.

Thanks Billy, and Happy Holiday to you too.

The Sunday Trumpet

2006-12-12T08:23:00.000-06:00

Sorry. I'm a few days late in getting this up but it has been damn cold in my house for the last week. The inside temp as hovered between 52° - 59° most of the week. On Saturday we managed to get it up to a balmy 62°. Fortunately we have been having a minor heat wave with daytime highs in the 30°s. Monday my dad got the furnace going again and now the kids are complaining that 68° is too hot. Go figure.

Nonetheless it is time for the Sunday Trumpet, our weekly contribution from the Spradic Gasbag Roundtable. This week Atilla The Mom takes a stab in the fog at The Ghost Wisperererer. Read her review to find out just what is wrong with mainstream American TV and just what is right about Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts.

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Do you think you have what it takes to blow The Sunday Trumpet? Sign up today.

I'm Your Christmasman

2006-12-08T16:23:00.000-06:00

Inspired by Dorky Dad, I started wondering what it might sound like if Curtis Mayfield had written the theme song to that animated classic, "Santa Claus is Coming to Town". I think it might go something like this:

Christmasman (Sing to the tune of Pusherman)

I'm your Mama
I'm your Daddy
I'm that Kringle
In the alley
I'm your doctor
When in need
Want some toys?
Here have these
You know me
I'm your friend
Your main boy
Thick and thin

I'm your Christmasman (2x)

Ain't I clean
Toy machine
Super cool
I ain’t mean
Dealin' good
For The Man
SuperChrist
Here I stand
Secret stash
Heavy bread
Baddest elves
In the land

I'm your Christmasman (3x)

Silent life of good deeds
A man of odd circumstance
a victim of winter demands
I need no money for style
But I'll let you trip for a while
I’m secure from the past
How long can a good thing last?
Woo-hoo, no...

Got to be givin, y'all
Gotta get givin, now
Christmasman, he be givin y'all

Heavy mind
Heavy sign
Makin' joy
All the time
My reindeer
And just me
For all kiddies
To see
Winter Prince
Is my thing
Makin' toys’
How I swing

I'm your Christmasman (2x)

Full bags, please
Take no fee
Make your world
What you want it to be
Got a woman I love desperately
Cant’ give her nuttin’ better than me
Been told I shoul’nt be nuthin' else
Just a giver in spite of myself
I know I can break it
This life just don't change it
Lord, Lord, yeah

Got to be givin’ now
Gotta be givin’ y'all
Got to be givin’ now

I'm your Mama
I'm your Daddy
I'm that Kringle
In the alley
I'm your doctor
When in need
Want some toys?
Here take these
You know me
I'm your friend
Your main boy
Thick and thin

I'm your Christmasman (4x)
Lord, Lord

The Weather Inside Is Frightful

2006-12-07T16:21:00.000-06:00

Temperatures in MN recently have hovered below freezing for over a week. Highs have been in the mid 20s Farenheit with lows in the single digits. In short, winter is here.

To combat the escalating cost of natural gas, we keep our thermostat set at 68°F during the day and 64°F at night. When I get up in the morning I turn up the heat so that the house is warm by the time the kids wake up. On the days FrankenKristin works we leave the temperature down in order to save a little money. After all the dog has a thick coat so she can handle to cooler temps for a few hours.

However, when I woke up Monday morning I was surprised to see the temperature in our house was 62°F. I turned the thermostat up to 68°F but by the time I left for work an hour later the temp had not gone up at all. In fact it had gone down to 60°F. This made me nervous.

So before I left I went down stairs to take a look at the furnace. Given my ignorance of most things mechanical I stared at it for a while, turned it on and off a few times and then gave it a good WHACK! For whatever reason, the furnace kicked in, so I asked FrankenKristin to keep an eye on the temp and let me know if it gets any colder.

It didn’t last too long because by the time I got home from work the inside temp was down to 58°F. Luckily we were having a short warm streak so the outside temp had actually risen to 30°F. Nonetheless it was still pretty cold.

The last time this happened the problem was due to a bad igniter, so in a rush I headed off to the hardware store. When I returned I installed the igniter, said a prayer to St. Lawrence and switched on the furnace. The igniter glowed nicely but the gas never kicked in. I ran through the morning ritual again but to no avail. Even the WHACK didn't help. Meanwhile the temp inside (and outside) continued to get colder.

The guy who installed the furnace is a good friend of my parents, and we have recently been talking with him about upgrading anyway, so I gave him a call to see if he had any ideas. Of course he wasn’t home so I left a message and hoped he might return my call in the morning. At bedtime we dressed the kids in long pajamas and piled them up with blankets. FrankenKristin and I did our best to warm up our bed too but that only lasts so long.

When I woke up the next day the inside temp had dropped to 53°F. As left for work I called my brother-in-law. One of his high school friends is an HVAC guy and coincidentally, used to work the guy I had left a message for the night before. He said he couldn't look at it because he was in South Dakota and wouldn’t be home until Friday. He did agree to make a few calls and see if he could find someone who might be able to help. Two hours later he left a message saying that none of his guys had gotten back to him so he was going to have his dad take a look at the furnace. He said his dad is a plumber but he assured me that he knows some things about heating as well.

Since both FrankenKristin and I were at work I had my dad go over to the house to let this guy in. When he called a few hours later he said that he’d poked around a bit and determined that there was probably some corrosion in the gas valve. How did he know this, you ask? Apparently he tapped on the valve, near where the piston is located, and that triggered the heat to come on. He said that the their is a small piston inside and it has probably gotten stuck due to a build-up of gunk. He made it clear that this was a temporary fix and that he couldn’t guarantee how long it would continue to work.

We discussed the cost of replacing the gas valve as well as the sensor inside the furnace that regulates the temp and decided that, since the furnace is nearly 20 years old, it would probably be in our best interest to look at getting a new furnace sooner rather than later.

Guess what I'm getting for Christmas?

Our Fine Four Fendered Friend

2006-11-27T17:45:00.000-06:00

I watched this movie with the kids over the weekend and now I can't get the damn theme song out of my head. It didn't help to have my kids singing it over and over and over on a two-and-a-half hour car ride.

Arrrgghhh!!!

The Day They Cut My Wife's Head Open

2006-11-20T19:27:00.000-06:00

This is the latest chapter in the FrankenKristin's tale. If you would like to read previous installments please visit:

Chapter 1: That's Fronkensteen!!
Chapter 1.5: Point of Clarification
Chapter 2: You Know I'm A Rather Brilliant Surgeon
Chapter 3: You Have Got To Be Kidding Me!
Chapter 4: Opinions Are Like...

Kristin was scheduled for surgery to correct her Chiari Malformation on Wednesday, September 28th, 2005. The symptoms necessitating surgery were brought on by two car accidents earlier in the year. We flew to NY on Monday and went straight to the clinic for pre-surgical testing. The surgery was to take place at North Shore University Hospital (NSUH) in Manhasset, NY which is where The Chiari Institute began, and where they perform all of their procedures. Because the hospital is in the middle of a Long Island suburb there aren’t a lot of hotels nearby. The few nearby require a 20 minute cab ride or a 40 minute bus ride.

Fortunately NSUH hosts The Variety House, an old brick house providing temporary shelter for out-of-town visitors on an as-needed basis. It wasn’t the fanciest of places but it was across the street and was free. As we made arrangements we were told that they had a room for us on the dates we were to arrive but we should know that if an “emergency case” were to arrive we might get bumped. Luckily we weren’t.

On Tuesday we visited my cousin and her new baby, which was a miserable experience for Kristin. The train and subway ride to her apartment in New Jersey took about an hour and was incredibly painful. As much as Kristin loves holding babies doing so was nearly impossible. However, she’s not one to pass up the chance to hold a baby so she made the best of it.

We returned to the Variety House that evening and began the long, sleepless night before surgery. Everything we had done for the last 8 months had led to this day. We were confident that we were making the right decision but that didn’t stop her from feeling nervous. After all, it’s not everyday that you have your head cut open. Unlike Kristin, I did manage to sleep a little bit.

During our prep the hospital staff was made it very clear that we needed to be in the admissions room NO LATER THAN 5:30am for check-in. If we were late we could lose our appointment. So, even though the hospital is across the street we got out of bed at 5:00am and headed off. To make matters worse the cafeteria wasn’t open so I COULDN’T GET ANY COFFEE!!

We were one of the first in the admitting room and were promptly told that we would be called when it was our turn. So we waited, and waited, and waited, while nearly everyone else in the waiting room was led of to the respective procedures. We sat for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, around 7:30 we were told that there was a problem with the schedule and that they might not be able to do the procedure due to an emergency surgery taking place in Dr. Milhorat’s operating room. Referring to him as "The Big Kahuna", the nurses commented to themselves that it must be a big deal as Dr. Milhorat is the Chief of Neurosurgery and practically owns the place.

Kristin and I asked how long it might take and were informed that it may be a short while or possibly several hours before they knew what would hapen. Since Kristin was going to use the time to sleep the nurse suggested I step out and grab some coffee and a paper as the cafeteria was now open. She assured us that it would be fine and that I could take my time.

When I returned with coffee and paper in hand the admissions staff said that not more than 5 minutes after I left they came to get her. She said they offered to wait but Kristin assured them I didn’t need to see her off, I would be fine. She had come this far and waited long enough, she had no interest in waiting any longer. So while I was buying my coffee she mounted the gurney and headed off to the OR. She also asked them to tell me not to stick around as it would be at least 5-7 hours before they were done and that I may as well do something with my day. The coffee and adrenaline had me too hopped up to sleep so rather than return to the Variety House I made my way to the train station and decided I’d do a little siteseeing.

If you have never been to Flushing Meadows Corona Park I highly recommend it. In 1940 it was the site of the World’s Fair and is adjacent to Shea Stadium, home of the New York Mets, and Arthur Ashe Stadium, home of the U.S. Open. Also located in Flushing Meadows Corona Park is the Queens Museum of Art. The QMA houses one of the largest collection of Tiffany Glass and also features a full scale panorama of New York City including all five boroughs. If you're ever in the neighborhood I suggest you visit.

As for the surgery, here is what happened according to the post-op report:

Posterior fossa decompression under color Doppler ultrasonography guidance consisting of a suboccipital craniotomy, C1 and partial C2 laminectomy, dural opening, microlysis of arachnoidal adhesions, bipolar shrinkage of the cerebral tonsils, expansile duraplasty implying autogeneous pericranium, and remodeling of the posterior cranial fossa with a titanium mesh/acrylic cranioplasty.

In regular terms that means they cut out a piece of her skull, and removed portions of the C1 and C2 vertebra. Using color Doppler ultrasonography to monitor cerebral spinal fluid (CSF), they burned away a portion of her cerebral tonsils until the CSF flow was restored to normal. They finished by using a section of her pericranium and a titanium plate to cover the hole in her head and create a little more room. You can watch video of a similar procedure here.

I met with Dr. Milhorat after the surgery and he stated that Kristin had “quite a Chiari”. He said that her tonsils were herniated 10cm on one side and 12cm on the other. Because of this, as well as the lack of additional space in the back of her head, her CSF flow was completely blocked. They restored the flow to normal and were confident that she would make a proper recovery. They were unable to find any sign of permanent nerve or spinal cord damage. What he could not account for were those symptoms that would be consistent with whiplash resulting from the two car accidents. He cautioned us that as she recovers from the surgery (which could take up to a year) we would still want to seek evaluation and treatment for whiplash as well.

When they had finished patching her up she was ushered into the recovery room and I was invited to see her. She looked like crap and I was told that once the anesthesia wore off she would feel like crap as well. I was also told that she wouldn't be moved to a regular room until the next day since there weren’t any available at the time. Her aunt Kathy (the nurse) was flying in that night and would be spending the next several days caring for her so that I could return home to be with the kids. Because I couldn’t stay at the hospital and there was only one room available at the Variety House, it was either share a bed with her aunt or get a hotel room. I chose the hotel, much to Kathy's relief. I did offer to sleep with one foot on the floor but she wouldn't compromise.

Kristin spent most of Thursday in a dilauded-induced haze. The hopsital staff indicated that there wasn't much for us to do until she was more awake so I offered to take Kathy into the city and show her around. It had been several years since she had been to NYC so I took her to Ground Zero and Little Italy. We met my cousin and her husband who drove us back to hospital and I spent the night sleeping in a chair next in her room. The next day I flew home leaving her in the competent care of Nurse Kathy and the staff at NSUH.

The Sunday Trumpet

2006-11-19T10:15:00.000-06:00

With this week's review, Heather proves that breaking up isn't so hard to do afterall. Check out her review of The Breakup.

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My New Toy

2006-11-16T07:28:00.000-06:00

It's a Yamaha 12-string acoustic. I traded it for an old 6-string electric I haven't played in 10 years. That still keeps the total at four guitars, one mandolin and one banjo.

I haven't quite figured out how to play the banjo yet.

Happy Texas Is A Sad Place To Be

2006-11-13T09:20:00.000-06:00

**NOTE** My IPS was giving me trouble yesterday so I wasn't able to post this on time. Please excuse the delay.

Thank you,

The Management

In the movies there are a several well-worn script formulas. One of the most common is the caught-in-a-situation-forced-to-be-something-you’re-not template. Over the years there have been some wonderful examples:

Some Like it Hot - Jack Lemon and Walter Matthau try pass themselves off as female musicians to hilarious effect.

The Music Man - The movie version featured Robert Preston as a slick traveling salesman attempting to convince an entire town that their biggest social ill is six-pocket pool and the remedy is a community marching band. Preposterous, I know, but it worked.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels – Steve Martin and Michael Caine play con men each trying to out con the other only be take by their mark.

School of Rock – Jack Black masqarades as a teacher attempting to convince a group of incorrigible little grade school students (and himself) that they have what it takes to be rock stars.

Unfortunately Happy Texas is not one of them.

The plot summary on IMDB describes the movie this way:

Two escaped convicts (Jeremy Northam, Steve Zahn) arrive in the town of Happy, Texas, where they are mistaken for a gay couple who is to host the town's Little Miss Fresh Squeezed beauty pageant. Enjoying the celebrity and using their skill as con-men, the two adopt their persona to take on the task.

OK. But what the summary does NOT tell you is that there is no way on God’s green earth that anyone, not even the small town rubes of Happy, Texas, would believe that Steve Zahn could pass as a gay man. Even if he does go by David rather than Dave. Not since the '70s would a gay man be caught dead with facial hair like that unless he was auditioning for a Village People revivial or Freddy Mercury impersenator. I'm all for suspended disbelief, but this going a bit too far.

Sadly, this movie makes absolutely no effort to depict its actors as anything other than caricatures. Whether its Jo the small town bank manager, who turns out to be a woman, or the frumpy school teacher who is really a sex-crazed vixen, or the bumbling cast of local yokels, it's clear that character development was not in thr formula. Not even William H. Macy (as the “secretive” town sheriff) can save this shallow, sophomoric piece of crap. While the script gives them very little to work with, most of these actors display the range of a Daisy air rifle. And is Jeremy Northam trying to channel Alec Baldwin or does he always sound like that?

Although the writers probably think they’re clever, there is very little in this movie that actually passes for comedy. Naming your main character Wayne Wayne Wayne Jr. is the sort of creative writing I would expect from a third grade comic book, not a feature film. And in this post Jon Benet world, calling the pageant "Little Miss Fresh-Squeezed" is down right creepy.

Half way through the movie Steve Zahn takes his frustration out on his partner this way,

"If you ever leave me with a kid again I'll make sure you never have one. You have no idea what those screaming booger eaters are like. They expect you to... know stuff!"

As an audience, we do too. Like HOW TO BE FUNNY!!!

An Open Letter To Michele Bachmann

2006-11-08T07:35:00.000-06:00

Dear Ms. Bachmann-

Congratulations on your victory. If one thing is for certain, it’s that you have figured out how to run a winning political campaign. Yesterday, you were successful in defeating, Patty Wetterling. I can only hope that she is able to recover from the hateful things that were said about her on your behalf - and continue her excellent work in the field of child safety.

I should be upfront and tell you that I would not be considered one of your biggest fans. In fact, I have found myself in opposition to nearly everything you have stood for publicly. Except for one thing, we both believe in God. Which brings me to my concern.

I, along with many others, had a chance to view your remarks at the Living Word Christian Center last month. I took note when you exclaimed that God called you to run for the United States Congress. This of course is in not uncommon, history is filled with stories of good and decent people listening to and answering the call to serve God and creation. I was a bit taken aback though when you stated that, “God has focused like a laser beam, in his reasoning, on (your) race.”

With all that God has going on right now, I was surprised to hear that He had chosen to accompany you on the campaign trail. Especially given the large number of powerful people who have already lent their support your way including Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, President Bush and Laura Bush. But He is omnipotent and all knowing so perhaps He could tell you needed a little extra push.

That is why I was so surprised last night when I listened to your victory speech on the radio. You’re opening comment about approving this message was clever and showed a sense of irony that usually seems lost on you. You went on to thank a number of people including your husband, children, campaign staff, volunteers and donors. I couldn’t help noticing that, absent from that list, was God Himself.

Please tell me this was an oversight. I would hate to think that, after all God had done for you, after all He must have given up in order to focus like a laser beam on your race, that you would be so callous as to toss Him aside now that your mission had been accomplished. I can understand why you might not have invited Him to you victory party. After all, He’s God, you wouldn’t want Him stealing the spotlight. But would it have hurt you to at least offer a word or two of acknowledgement. It just seems disrespectful given that you practically wore Him around your neck like a shawl during the campaign. Fortunately for you, God is forgiving (at least the God I believe in is), but I wouldn’t blame Him if He didn’t speak to you for a while.

Either way, you might want to think about looking Him up in the next few days. I’m pretty sure He’ll listen.

One more thing, when you get to Congress, please don’t waste your entire two years trying to mess with the Constitution, it’s a pretty sacred document. And keep your guard up, I heard they let gays and Muslims in now.

Respectfully,

Sven

Do It Today

2006-11-07T07:49:00.000-06:00

Did you?

The Sunday Trumpet

2006-11-05T21:38:00.000-06:00

Finally! Someone else is willing to stand up and proclaim that the Wizard has no clothes. This week Miss Keeks takes on Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Although I did like her review of the book better than her review of the movie.

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Oh Brother! Where Art Thou Cojones?

2006-11-03T21:05:00.000-06:00

Last night I saw an amazing live show. It was at a local club once made famous but a skinny little guy in purple tights. The band was Split Lip Rayfield.

I first saw them when the opened up for The Drive-By Truckers a few years ago. At that time I had no idea what to expect but with a name like that it was worth a try. Since then I’ve seen them several times and I am continually blown away.

SLR hails from Lawrence, KS and sounds like a cross between Metallica and The Del McCoury Band. With four part harmonies at breakneck tempo, their music is firmly rooted in the bluegrass tradition but their influences are clearly more punk-rock in nature. With song titles such as Redneck Tailgate Dream, C’mon Get Your Gun, 3.2 Flu and How Many Biscuits Can You Eat? they have figured out how to tap the age-old themes of country music and bring them into the 21st century.

The line-up consists of:

- Kirk Rundstrom (guitar) - with the armload of tattoos and creepy Deliverance stare he looks like he’d just as soon smash the guitar over your head than play it. But play it he can.

- Eric Mardis (banjo) - This guy won’t be getting a day-job playing the banjo at Shakey’s Pizza any time soon. He does things with the banjo that Roy Clark wishes he could do.

- Wayne Gottstine (mandolin) - This guy surely must have had a motor and ball joint surgically implanted in his wrist. He can move his hand so fast that it is literally a blur.

- Jeff Eaton (one-string gas tank bass) – With a body made from the gas tank of a '65 Ford and one string of weed whip line, this guy is an entire rhythm section onto himself.

Together these guys whip up more energy than any band I’ve seen in a long time. While their CDs are good they pale in comparison to the live shows.

Unfortunately their days are numbered. Earlier this year guitarist Kirk Rundstrom was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. Although he identifies music as the thing that makes him the happiest he has decided to retire from performing to concentrate in his health. The band is taking one last run before hanging up SLR for good.

Don’t miss your chance to see these guys before they are gone.

And donate some money to the Kirk Rundstrom Cancer Fund too.

Fill It To The Rim With Brim

2006-10-30T07:21:00.000-06:00

In addition to my job with the school district I work part time as a server for a catering company. It is a fairly high end company focusing on weddings, corporate events and private parties. We also specialize in Kosher food. I am the guy in the white shirt and bowtie pouring your wine and clearing your plates.

Over the weekend we worked a fairly small wedding (only about 200 guests) at the Wiseman Art Museum on the University of Minnesota Campus. The meal consisted of a buffet of chicken stroganoff, beef tenderloin, boiled potatoes, roasted vegetables and three different salads. For dessert we offered a choice of pumpkin pie or apple cake. For some reason I was stuck with the table full of college friends. You know, the people who don’t know anyone other than themselves and spend most of the time drinking and amusing each other.

I sat at that table many times.

After dessert, as I was pouring coffee, I approached my table full of revelers, many of whom had made more than their share of visits to the open bar. I asked one young guy (he couldn’t have been more than 22) if he wanted coffee.

“Just half-a-cup”, he replied.

“Only half-a-cup, don’t you like my coffee?” I asked, proud of my obscure pop culture reference.

Apparently it was a bit more obscure than I thought. This guy looked at me for nearly 30 seconds, with the blankest of stares before responding, “I..uh…it’s just that I..um..don’t want that much…” He may have actually thought I was offended.

Am I the only one who remembers Brim coffee?

The Sunday Trumpet

2006-10-29T21:06:00.000-06:00

Due to certain circumstances, today's regularly scheduled Gasbag Review will not appear. Instead Omninaif has agreed to fill in with his take on Most Haunted. A truly "scary" show. Check it out.

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How About That!!

2006-10-26T21:03:00.000-05:00

It seems that my screed on Michele Bachmann caught the eye of Tim O'Brien, Letters Editor for the Enemy Paper. He referenced it in a commentary written a couple of days ago.

Blogger's video pulls back the curtain on Bachmann

The thousands, even millions, of dollars spent on television advertising trying to create a public persona for a candidate is no match for a blogger with a video camera. Michele Bachmann found that out this week.

The Republican candidate for the Sixth District U.S. House seat had done a remarkable -- one might even say deceptive -- job presenting herself as a moderate tax-cutter to voters until her appearance on Sunday at Living Word Christian Center in Brooklyn Park. While the media have focused on the complaint filed with the IRS by Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington, which claimed that, for endorsing Bachmann, the church's tax-exempt status should be revoked, bloggers focused more on the content of Bachmann's "sermon"...

Sven of Sven's Personal Memos had some questions about Bachmann's powwows with the almighty. "Did God tell you to hate gay people? ... Did God tell you to legislate against a minimum wage? Did God tell you to claim [that] education is your #1 issue and yet center your efforts on destroying public schools? ... Did God tell you we should consider nuking Iran? If God had told you not to run would you have listened?"...

He even spelled my name right.

The Sunday Trumpet

2006-10-22T09:38:00.000-05:00

This week Jod{i} at Looking Through The Cracked Window savages one of her own with her review of Wolf Creek. Gives new meaning to a horrific movie.

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Opinions Are Like...

2006-10-20T21:41:00.000-05:00

Girl: Sounds like a subdural hematoma to me.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Oh, it does, does it? Well, it's not your job to diagnose.
Girl: But I thought...
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: You thought, you thought. Just go. Three years of nursery school and you think you know it all. Well, you're still wet behind the ears. It's not a subdural hematoma. It's *epidural*. Ha.

This is Chapter Four in the tale of FrankenKristin’s brain. Below is a brief summary of the saga so far. If you would like to read the each installment please visit:

Chapter 1: That's Fronkensteen!!
Chapter 1.5: Point Of Clarification
Chapter 2: You Know I'm A Rather Brilliant Surgeon
Chapter 3: You Have Got To Be Kidding Me!

Let’s recap.

In January 2005, my wife was involved in a car accident leaving her with severe whiplash and a newly diagnosed Arnold Chiari Malformation, which up to this point we did not know it existed. As symptoms worsened she began to focus on the ACM as the primary source of the problem. Since she was unable to find any direction from her chiropractor, nurse practitioner or physical therapist she turned to the internet and found a support group dedicated to assisting people afflicted with this disorder. They directed her to a reputable local neurosurgeon who conducted the most basic of evaluations and determined the ACM asymptomatic.

Finding no one else in Minnesota who specialized in this area, we went The Chiari Institute (TCI) for a definitive second opinion. After determining the ACM to be the cause of her problems and identifying surgery as the only treatment she scheduled an appointment and began to wait the 3 months until her date. During this time we were involved in another car accident which significantly worsened her symptoms and made the need for surgery even more pressing.

With the pain nearly unbearable and the surgery still several weeks off we began the still continuing battle with the insurance companies. At this point the auto insurance company representing the driver in the first accident denied responsibility and his position was supported by a third-party arbitrator.

The driver in the second accident was uninsured so we were unable to go after him for much more than a cost of a doughnut. And since he was not in custody we didn’t know whether we would ever see him again. Furthermore we were quite certain she would exhaust her no-fault benefits through our own carrier and thus began to cut back on acupuncture and massage in order to save up for what we anticipated would be a $100Kplus medical bill. Since TCI was not covered by our health care provider she began the process to request in-network benefits for non-network services.

This is where we pick-up the story.

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As I mentioned, the driver in the first accident had denied responsibility and his position was supported by a third party arbitrator. Because of this we had pretty much given up hope getting a settlement. So we had to rely on our own auto insurance company until we were able to come to some sort of arrangement with our health care provider.

Since Minnesota is a no-fault state we were entitled to $20,000 in medical expenses, to be used for whatever we felt was necessary. After the second accident our auto insurance company closed the first claim and opened a new one focusing on the facts of the new case. What we found out later was that although she had not exhausted the original $20,000, all of her treatment from this point on was attributed to the second accident and was deducted from a new pot of money.

This is when the insurance company started to panic.

Because fault in the first accident had been attributed to Kristin and the second was caused by an uninsured driver, there was nowhere for them to go in order to recover their costs. And since it was clear that, due to the pending surgery we would certainly max out our limit, they hoped to avoid the possibility that they might have to continue to pay for her care.

So a few weeks after the second accident, our auto insurance informed us that they had stopped all payment and were demanding that Kristin undergo an Independent Medical Exam. Apparently they were questioning whether the symptoms were really brought on by the car accidents and if so how much should apportioned to each accident.

Don’t let the name fool you, an Independent Medical Exam is anything but independent. In fact, the only choice she had in the matter was what to wear. We were given a date, told when and where to show up and instructed not to contact them for anything other than directions.

The doctor, also a neurosurgeon, began by documenting the facts regarding the accidents and then reviewed her medical history. Later he conducted a neurological exam and while he tried to be accommodating, forced her to do things that caused her significant pain. He asked about our visit to New York and inquired as to whether we were serious about surgery. He of course took a conservative approach and cautioned us against making any hasty decisions.

While he was a nice guy he most certainly did not have our interest in mind. Nor was he truly attempting to form an independent opinion. In fact he made every effort to suggest that Kristin’s Chiari-related symptoms pre-dated the accident and attributed the remainder to the first accident thereby resolving the insurance company of anything other than what was owed us under our no-fault benefits.

But not before he suggested that we get a 3rd opinion. Although he tried to present the suggestion in a diplomatic fashion it was clear that he was simply trying to avoid having to contradict the opinion of Dr. Bolognese, one of the foremost experts in the field of Chiari Malformation. If they could find someone who would say that the situation was not accident related, they might not have to cover anything.

The ironic twist is that the official request for a 3rd opinion was mailed to our house the day after Kristin’s surgery. We were in NY at the time so we didn’t get the letter until I came home a week later. After returning home and speaking with a claims representative, we informed them that we would NOT be seeking a 3rd opinion as Kristin had already undergone surgery. Our claim rep. put Kristin on hold and went to discuss the situation with her supervisor. After asking whether the surgery had been successful, she stated that they would cover up to the limit of no fault benefits, and that then our case would be closed. Although it was only a small protion of total bill it was the first piece of good news we had received so far.

At this point we had gone as far as we could with the car insurance company and now set our sights on obtaining network coverage for The Chiari Institute. This was a whole different battle.

* Dialogue courtesy of The Man With Two Brains.

I Pity The Fool

2006-10-18T22:58:00.000-05:00

I know, I know, every community has their political crackpots. One of the most notorious in our area is Minneapolis City Council Member Phyllis Kahn. She is known for suggesting that the right to vote be granted to 12-year olds and that the MN State Legislature pay the salary of MN Twins pitcher Brad Radke. A nutball to be sure. But no politician anywhere in the country, not even Colorado Rep. Marilyn Musgrave comes close to the lunacy that is 6th district Republican candidate Michele Bachmann.

For those who aren't up on MN politics Michele Bachmann currently holds a seat in the MN State Senate, in a very conservative and very "Christian" portion of the Twin Cities metro area. Her support is based largely on people who identify themselves as values voters. Unfortunately for her, the wheels seem to be coming off the "values voters" train.

The most recent incident took place over the weekend at a local evangelical church where she was introduced from the pulpit by Reverend Mac Hammond and offered the opportunity to disguise a campaign speech as a sermon, even though the practice is a violation of the law. But that didn't stop her from stumping for votes anyway. And she did so in true Michele Bachmann style, by catering to her audience's lowest common denominator. Rather than discuss the issues of the day she simply spoke the code language of Evangelical Christians in an effort to lull them in to supporting her otherwise vacuous campaign. Here is a sample of her speech:

God called me to run for the Unite States Congress...And I thought...who in their right mind would spend two years to run for a job that lasts two years? You'd have to be absolutely a fool to do that. You are now looking at a fool for Christ.

So God speaks to Michele Bachmann, fine. And perhaps she does indeed see her candidacy as a calling, that's fine too. But I have to wonder if she ever stopped to ask why God chose her and what he told her she should do with her time in office. Based on her record in the Minnesota State Legislature I have few questions of my own:

* Did God tell you to hate gay people? Even your own family member?

* Did God tell you that you should spy on your political adversaries? And then lie about your intentions?

* Did God tell you demonize the entire judicial system by labeling jurists with whom you disagree, "activist judges".

* Did God tell you to legislate against a minimum wage?

* Did God tell you to claim the education is your #1 issue and yet center your efforts on destroying public schools?

* Did God tell you that some cultures are superior to others or did you make that one up on your own?

* Did God tell you we should consider nuking Iran?

* If God had told you not to run would you have listened?

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with Republicans or Evangelical Christians. In fact some of my best family members fall into one or both of those categories. Just don't confuse your religious convictions for a political mandate. Keep in mind that every major world conflict throughout history had its basis in religion. In fact ever since Emperor Constantine converted to Christianity in the 4th century, the church in all its forms, has used its power in decidedly un-Christian ways. In the words of Pastor Greg Boyd, of Woodland Hills Church, and author of The Myth of a Christian Nation, "When we pick up the sword we put down the cross."

Perhaps if more of us Christians carried crosses instead of swords we might actually begin to live the word of God. Rather than exercising power over we should instead focus on power under. Serving with love not might.

As for Reverend Hammond, it seems he is in a bit of hot water himself. During the service he announced that he, "Can't publicly endorse as a church and would not for any candidate. But I can tell you personally that I'm going to vote for Michele Bachmann." Except that he can't. You see the good Reverend lives in the 3rd district and therefore can't vote for Michelle Bachmann or her rival, child safety advocate, Patty Wetterling. Why would he lie from the pulpit unless it was to endorse a candidate? The weekend's antics have also run afoul of IRS for violating their tax exempt status.

Is that how we give Glory to God?

The Sunday Trumpet

2006-10-15T23:16:00.000-05:00

Well we're at it again. And this year a whole new crop of Gasbags have planted their arses at the Round Table and their lips on the Trumpet. This week Marymurtz attempts a new staging of the Andrew Llyd Webber classic, Phantom of the Opera.

Perhaps she would prefer this adaptation. At least with Paul Williams you know what you're getting.

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I Got Game

2006-10-11T06:40:00.000-05:00

Last night I did it for the first time in 8 months.

I started out a little nervous because it had been so long. Frankly, I wasn't sure how I would perform.

I think about doing it a lot. Lately I just haven’t been that lucky. Don't get me wrong, I’ve done it occasionally by myself but it's just not the same when you’re alone. I just hoped when that when the time came I would remember what to do.

I'm not careless, so of course I wore protection. When I was younger I tended to be a bit brash, thinking mostly of myself. With experience I began to feel more confident in my technique. Although it’s a very physical activity, to perform well requires gentle hands as well as equal parts practiced finesse and blind passion.

I’ve certainly done it many times before but still, I was anxious. Will I remember what to do with my stick? What if I can’t shoot anymore? I hope I don’t say anything stupid?

As I started, my heart began to race and I could feel my face getting flush. Soon my body was glistening with sweat, every muscle tensed. The longer I kept going the heavier my breathing became. I could feel the rush of excitement building with every movement. I would not stop until I scored.

When I finally finished, my whole body went limp and I collapsed in a combination of exhaustion and relief.

Basking in the afterglow, I wondered why I waited so long and I promised myself to do it again as soon as possible.

Man, I love this game.

B as in Bll, S as in Sht

2006-10-04T14:28:00.000-05:00

I need to get this off my chest too.

Former Rep. Mark Foley is a sick man. However, exactly what sickens him is apparently up for debate. It seems that the former congressman believes the best way to address his potentially criminal sexual behavior is to enter drug and alcohol treatment.

This is what we call b*llsh*t! Don't try to hide you obviously inappropriate sexual behavior behind the veil of a more socially acceptable drug and alcohol problem. WE ARE NOT THAT STUPID!

Thanks to local columnist Ruben Rosario for setting the record straight. His article today should be required reading.

++UPDATE++

Apparently it is not enough to blame this scandal alcohol. The talking heads and politcal apologists have amassed quite an impressive list of diversionary targets. So far they have blamed the scandal on:

- Alcohol
- Bill Clinton
- Democrats in Congress
- The Catholic Church
- The Media
- George Soros
- The entire congressional page program
- And the victim himself

Perhaps the party of presonal responsibility should consider practicing what they preach.

You Bring The Guns, I'll Bring The Roses

2006-10-04T07:28:00.000-05:00

I'm going to get back to FrankenKristin's Tale soon but first I have to get this off my chest.

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The spoiled brat is at it again.

Apparently not pleased with his status in the "Where Are They Now?" file, arrogant bastard Axl Rose recently launched a Guns and Roses tour of North American, including a stop here in the Twin Cities. Whether the show actually takes place is another matter. Mr. Rose is notorious for showing up late to performances, sometimes as much as 3-4 hours late, and canceling dates in the middle of a tour.

He also claims that the band is finally going release Chinese Democracy, the long awaited (and now mocked) follow up to Appetite for Destruction. Given that he has been putting off the release of this album for at least 5 years I won't be holding by breath.

It also seems a bit disingenuous to call themselves Guns and Roses since he is the only remaining member of the original band. Or at least the only one who contributed anything. Even Johnny Rotten had the decency to hang up the Sex Pistols name after Sid Vicous died.

Besides, history does not look kindly on bands and artists waiting this long to release a "follow-up" to a commercially successful album. Can anyone say Third Stage by Boston or Bat Out Of Hell II by Meatloaf? Both of these albums were as highly anticipated as they were disappointing. In fact they were so bad as to almost make In The Dark by the Greatful Dead listenable.

Almost.

Axl, your fifteen minutes was up years ago. Do us all a favor and go away.

Lights In The Loafers

2006-09-27T07:57:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you just have to find out how things work.

When I was a kid, my friend and I used to steal alarm clocks and smash them just to see what was inside. We had no intention of ever learning how to make or repair alarm clocks and we made no effort to put them back together. The simple act of destruction was enough.

Due to my lack of mechanical aptitude, and the fear of eventually getting caught stealing stuff, I gave up the alarm clock habit but never lost the fascination for discovery. I still hold a certain reverence for inventors and artists even though I am woefully lacking in anything that might even remotely equate to creativity.

Follow directions? Sure. Make something out of nothing? Don’t count on it.

But the curiosity still haunts me.

So it was recently that my uncle and I began talking about my son’s light-up Spiderman shoes. As he streaked by, oblivious to the blinking red blur that was his feet, we wondered aloud as to how the shoes worked. Since my uncle was leaving town the next day, I was assigned the task of finding out. I began to feel a childlike rush as the thought of dissection in the name of discovery once again filled my head. This time, I was determined not only to destroy but also understand.

Unlike alarm clocks, shoes don’t respond well to being smashed by a rock so I was forced to rely on a more skillful method of gaining entry. Thanks to my experience in the kitchen I have become pretty handy with a knife. So with a few careful incisions, I was able to fillet the first shoe like a walleye and separate the sole from the upper.

My inner child marveled at the waffle-like sole, its grooves filled with wires each terminating in a small Light Emitting Diode (LED). At the heel was the power source, a small box of encapsulated resin containing a standard watch battery. Inside the box, a small vibrating wire completed the circuit allowing the shoe to light up with each step.

Light up shoes were first introduced in 1992 by L.A. Gear. As the novelty for adults wore off, shoemakers turned to kids. These days nearly half of all children’s sneakers have some sort of light emitting from one place or another.

Early designs used mercury tilt switches. They were reliable, but the mercury resulted in a sneaker that was considered hazardous waste by the US Environmental Protection Agency. After discovering the disadvantages of the mercury tilt switch, designers substituted a plastic tab depressed by the weight of the wearer. They were environmentally safe, but not reliable. Plastic fatigue would set in and the light would stay on until the batteries discharged. Sealing the battery and switch in resin prevented this from happening but rendered the solder points as the weak link in the system. Once broken, those points are impossible to fix without tearing the shoes apart. Unfortunately putting the shoes back together is just as difficult.

As of late, the market for adult light up shoes is thin. Gone are the days of grown men and women blinking up and down neighborhood basketball courts and cops following the Rudolph-like trail of escaping crooks. But thanks to the internet all hope is not lost.With a little ingenuity, simple step-by-step instructions and a few basic tools, it is once again possible to be the coolest person in the office. The experts at Talky Tina Press now offer everything you need to pimp your wingtips.

It gives new meaning to “light in the loafers”.

When Mountains Crumble To The Sea...

2006-09-24T09:25:00.000-05:00

Twelve years ago today Sven and FrankenKristin were married. We asked her cousin Debbie to draw the invitations.

On that day, then President Clinton was scheduled to be in town for a campaign visit, so we invited him to the ceremony. Not surprisingly, he did not show up but we did receive a very nice card with computer generated signatures of the President and First Lady.

I also wrote a song the occasion. To this day it is the only time I was ever truly nervous playing and singing.

Gitsul was the best man.

After the ceremony we went downtown and had pictures take on Cafesjian's Carousel.

Being young, nontraditional idealists we chose to write our own vows.

I Sven, take you FrankenKristin, to be my partner in marriage. I promise to accept and cherish who you are now, who you will be as we grow and change, and never take our time together for granted. I will love, honor and respect you all the days of my life.

If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

Except I might comb my hair.

Caption Contest

2006-09-13T07:08:00.000-05:00

Recently we caught the dog in one her more indiscreet moments.

Feel free to leave a caption in the comment section.

I Know I'll Often Stop And Think About Them

2006-09-11T06:17:00.000-05:00

There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

Lyrics courtesy of The Beatles.

A Book What?

2006-09-07T17:36:00.000-05:00

I was recently tagged by Sophia for a Book Meme.

For starters, I had to look up the word meme. Apparently a meme is a unit of cultural information, such as a cultural practice or idea, that is transmitted verbally or by repeated action from one mind to another.

Huh? Is that supposed to be fustian way of saying a list?

Not exactly. According to Wikipedia, the word meme was coined in 1976 by Richard Dawkins and stems from his gene-centric theory of evolution which suggests that memes represent units of cultural information much the same way genes represent units of hereditary information. Examples include tunes, catch-phrases, clothes fashions and other traditional customs and practices. When memes gather in groups they form meme-complexes.

Fair enough. I’m not entirely sure my entry in this game of book tag will contribute much of anything to the cultural landscape but I’ll play along. Either way, I think I’ll stick with the word list.

-------------------------------------------------

Here is a list of answers to various questions regarding books.

1. One book that changed your life: How to Talk Dirty and Influence People, by Lenny Bruce.
- Reading this book as a teenager opened a whole new world of possibilities for driving my mom nuts.

2. One book that you’ve read more than once: Green Eggs and Ham, by Dr. Suess
- Make that more than 100 times. My kids loved my attempt to replicate the underwater voice.

3. One book you’d want on a desert island: How to Cook Everything, by Mark Bittman
- This one may come in handy.

4. One book that made you laugh: The History of White People in America, by Martin Mull
- There are obviously scores of books that would fit into this category but this is one I particularly like because it is so absurd.

5. One book that made you cry: I’ll Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch
- It also made my mom cry when I gave it to her for Mother’s Day (in an ongoing attempt to make up for the above mentioned nuts driving) and the way we say good night to the kids each evening.

6. One book that you wish had been written: As I Was Saying: How to Finish a Sentence Without Your Wife Interrupting You.

7. One book that you wish had never been written: The Disapparation of James, by Anne Ursu
- This is the worst book I have ever read. The characters we poorly developed, the plot went nowhere and the ending was abrupt and unfinished. A perfect candidate for The Sunday Trumpet but I can’t imagine forcing my way through it again. Bleh!

8. One book you’re currently reading: Population 485, by Michael Perry
- We are reading this for our community book club. There is a lot of puke.

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read: The Qur’an
- I’d like to know what all the fuss is about.

10. Whom to tag next. Let’s see…how about Gitsul, SaraTee, Meg, Gina, and OneEar.

Sven's Personal Birthday

2006-09-03T07:22:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to Sven,
Happy Birthday to me!

Other famous events on September 3rd include:

* 1783: The American 'War of Independence' comes to an end, when Britain signs a treaty in Paris.

* 1813: Uncle Sam's image was first used on this day.

* 1939: Britain, France, New Zealand and Australia declare war on Germany, starting World War II.

* 1964: The National Wilderness Preservation System was created designating nearly 10 million acres of federally protected wilderness in national parks including the Boundry Waters Canoe Area Wilderness in Minnesota.

* 1976: The US spacecraft Viking 2 successfully lands on Mars.

* 1978: At the Vatican in Rome, John Paul I is installed as Pope - but dies just 25 days later on September 28th.

Other September 3rd birthdays include:

* 1869: Fritz Pregl, chemist

* 1905: Arthur Koestler, author

* 1907: Loren Eiseley, anthoropolgist

* 1910: Kitty Carlisle, singer

* 1913: Alan Ladd, actor

* 1935: Eileen Brennen, actor

* 1955: Steve Jones, guitarist with the Sex Pistols

* 1961: Jean Lindberg, my sister

* 1965: Charlie Sheen, actor

Hey Gitsul, thanks for the mug.

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me!

2006-08-30T15:18:00.000-05:00

"I busted a mirror and got Seven years bad luck but my lawyer thinks he can get it down to Five."

Steven Wright

The is the fourth installment in the tale of FrankenKristin's brain.

If you would like to catch up, read:
Ch. 1 - That's Fronkensteen!!
Ch.1.5 - Point of Clarification
Ch. 2 - You Know, I'm A Rather Brilliant Surgeon.

It is now the end of June 2005 and we are back from New York and our visit to The Chiari Institute. It has been almost six months since Kristin had her car accident and she has yet to have a pain free day. While she has found some relief from the low back pain, the symptoms in her head, neck and shoulders continue to get worse. She has trouble lifting anything heavier than a half gallon of milk, is experiencing almost non-stop numbness and tingling in her hands, has constant pressure in the back of head and regularly feels as though she has a knife stuck in her back.

Where she used to climb dozens of flights of stairs at work rather than take the elevator, she is now unable to climb even one flight with out stopping to catch her breath. Not only that but she found it increasingly difficult to ride in a car or lie on her back. She had taken to wearing a collar during the day in order to provide support to her head and bought a special pillow that follows the contour of her head and neck. Helpful, but certainly no remedy.

As for medical intervention, she has tried chiropractic, acupuncture, physical therapy, pain killers, pain killers, muscle relaxers, yoga, and myofascial massage therapy. Following the local neurosurgeon’s advice she even discontinued all treatment for a few weeks, but not surprisingly, things continued to get worse. Over the last six months she had an average of three medical appointments per week. She had six MRIs, a CT scan and three sets of X-rays. She had been poked, prodded, manually manipulated, and attempted all manner of stretching, healing, and strengthening exercises. About the only things she hadn’t tried were shamanism and faith healing.

At the Chiari Institute, we finally found what we hoped was an answer, and a solution. They acknowledged that, while some of what she is experience is typical of a car accident, her symptoms are clearly exacerbated by the Chiari and may not be resolved if that is not addressed. Unfortunately we had to fly halfway across the country in order to find someone competent enough to figure that out and it looked like we would be making several more trips.

At this point you may be saying to yourself, “My goodness, that’s terrible,” or “Oh my, how could it get any worse,” or even, “Stop you’re bitching, it’s not that bad! People get in car accidents everyday, at least you’re not dead”. You wouldn’t be alone; we said those things as well.

Then came July 23rd, 2005. The day started out like any other, routine events throughout the day kept us busy and that evening we had plans to attend a wedding reception for a friend and then stop off at a going away party for a couple of friends who were leaving to spend two years teaching in Tanzania. All in all, we were having a great night, eating, laughing, visiting with friends and singing Karaoke. After the going away party, we said our goodbyes, got in the car and headed for home. Just two blocks from the party, we were stopped at an intersection in NordEast Minneapolis waiting for the light to turn from red to green.

That’s when it hit us. A late model blue Eagle Talon, to be exact. Right square in the back of our car.

The force of the impact pushed our car into the middle of the intersection. Thank God there wasn’t any opposing traffic or I would likely not be writing this. The other car was traveling at least 45-50 per hour, much faster that the posted 30mph speed limit. Based on the lack of skid marks it was clear he made not attempt to stop.

Not only that, but it turns out he didn’t own the car, did not have a license and was drunk. We found out several weeks later that his BAC was .16, almost twice the legal limit in MN. Sadly he had two passengers in his vehicle as well, none of them were wearing safety belts.

Because the crash was only two blocks from where we had just been several of our friends heard the crash and came running to help. At the time I was more startled than anything else. Kristin however, was a mess. The impact caused her head and neck pain to go from bad to excruciating. She immediately experienced stabbing pain in her ears, blurred vision and could hardly move. When the medical responders arrived I informed them of her situation and they insisted she be transported to the Emergency Room for evaluation.

They moved her from the car onto a backboard and put her in the ambulance. Even though she repeated over and over and over that she could not lie on her back because it was too painful they refused to allow her any assistance until she arrive at the hospital. To make matters worse she was transported in the same vehicle as the driver of the other car. And they refused to let me accompany her. I had not yet determined whether my car was still drivable and yet they insisted I find my own transportation to the hospital.

Four hours and a shot of morphine later (for her, not me), we were sent home after being told that the X-Rays revealed no fractures. They did not address the Chiari.

As a result of the second accident her symptoms had gotten so bad that she spent hours in bed or on the couch because she couldn’t move without pain. The drugs didn't help. Before this incident she still had reservations about surgery, primarily due to the cost. After informing The Chiari Institute of the latest developments, and with what she was experiencing now, there was no question we would be going to New York. Even if I had to sell plasma or turn tricks to pay for it.

In fact, September 28th couldn't come soon enough.

You Know I'm a Rather Brilliant Surgeon

2006-08-21T08:52:00.000-05:00

Freddy: You know, I'm a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump.

Igor: What hump?

This is Chapter 2 of the continuing saga of FrankenKristin’s brain. If you wish, you may read Chapter 1 and Chapter 1.5.

Arnold Chiari Malformation (ACM) is an uncommon, congenital anomaly in which the lower part of the cerebellum protrudes down into the spinal canal. This causes tissue compression, which hinders the normal flow of the cerebral spinal fluid (CSF). It was first identified by Austrian pathologist Hans Chiari in 1891.

Although ACM is congenital, many people are asymptomatic. In many adults with ACM symptoms are often brought on by trauma such as whiplash and can have wide-ranging severity with only subtle neurological signs, or cause complete incapacitation due to extreme headache and cervical pain, vertigo, ataxia, visual disturbances and diminished sensation. Studies are also beginning to indicate an overlap between ACM symptoms and those attributed to Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. The difference between them being the presence of tonsillar herniation and interruption of CSF flow. Unfortunately there is no cure for ACM, and the only treatment is surgery. The most common procedure is Posterior Fossa Decompression whereby a small area of the bone at the base of the skull is removed to enlarge the posterior fossa. In some cases, the cerebellar tonsils are shrunk using an electrocautery to restore normal CSF flow.

The question many people (including family, friends and our medical insurance company) asked was why we needed to go all the way New York for evaluation. After all, there are plenty of other neurosurgeons in MN, plus the world renowned Mayo Clinic is just down the road. We asked ourselves the same question.

Our decision to go to The Chiari Institute was based on the fact that we couldn’t afford to waste our time and money going from one neurosurgeon to another (local or otherwise) with only marginal experience in this area. We wanted to know for sure whether or not the ACM was the source of the problem, due to Kristin's desire to avoid surgery unless it was truly necessary. We were clearly looking for the best possible treatment options and we wanted to avoid the possibility of a less experienced doctor recommending a treatment protocol that would not address the problem.

Our research also showed that The Chiari Institute is the world's first comprehensive, multidisciplinary center for the management of patients suffering from Chiari Malformation. The surgeons at the Institute specialize in Chiari and have more experience with this condition than any other surgeons in the country. Beucause there is no standardized surgical method for ACM, most surgeons tend to develop a method that works for them and use it consistently for all their Chiari surgeries, regardless of the presenting physiology. The doctors at TCI have developed a technique using Intraoperative Color Doppler Ultrasonography, a method used in the past to monitor blood flow during aneurysm surgeries. The technology was adapted to measure the flow of cerebral spinal fluid during decompression surgeries thus allowing the surgeon to tailor each surgery according to patient-specific variables.

The procedures used by TCI reduces the additional costs that are often associated with complications, corrections, and/or multiple surgeries. In fact over half of the surgeries performed at TCI are revisions of failed surgeries performed elsewhere. Dozens of which were initially performed at some of the most prominent medical institutions in the United States.

So off we went. Neither of us had been to New York, and since I was finished with school for the year, we decided to make a vacation out of it. We spent a weekend in Manhattan with my cousin and her husband, who’ve lived in NY for years, acting as our tour guides. We visited the Brooklyn Bridge, The Statue of Liberty, Ground Zero, St. Partick’s Cathedral, and St. Paul's Chapel. We took in a Yankees game, had dinner at a fancy restaurant, pizza at the oldest pizza parlor in the US, and cannoli at a NY institution. In addition to riding the subway all over town we walked about 8 miles that the weekend.

On Monday we made our way to Great Neck and The Chiari Institute. Although we brought along an armload of films and test results Kristin still spent the better part of a morning undergoing additional X-Rays, CT Scans and a cineMRI designed not only to depict the inside of her head but to also measure the flow of cerebrospinal fluid.

The next day we found ourselves in the lobby at TCI waiting, and waiting, for our evaluation. While they pride themselves on quality of care, by giving each patient as much time as they need, the wait time can often be excruciating. We finally met with Dr. Mora who completed a patient history, and a detailed neurological exam. Although he was thorough, and helpful, he was simply setting the stage for Dr. Bolognese, one of two surgeons at TCI. Dr. Bolognese, along with Dr. Milhorat, perform nearly 300 surgeries a year. In the afternoon Dr. B. is available for consultation and evaluation. Being one of the foremost experts in Chiari, we eagerly awaited Dr. B’s opinion, hoping he would give us a definitive answer.

When the door to our exam room finally opened, he strode in freshly scrubbed, chart in hand. Without even introducing himself, he slammed the chart on the table and in a thick Italian accent declared, “There is no way in hell your symptoms are not caused by this Chiari.” Over the next hour he dissected the test results, explained the reason for the symptoms, and outlined the prognosis. When we asked how the surgeon we saw in MN could have looked at the very same films and determined that the Chiari was asymptomatic he responded, “When you’re an expert in one thing, it means you suck at everything else. She probably sees one or two Chiaris per month, I do 4 surgeries a week.”

Ultimately, he determined that although Kristin’s symptoms were significant, she was not an emergency case. While she was a candidate for surgery, her need was not immediate and thus he left the decision up to her. However, he did say that if she decided against surgery, her current state would be her new baseline and that over time she would most likely get progressively worse. While the prospect of surgery was scary, it was a relief to know that there might actually be hope for improvement.

So we came home with what we believed was the definitive answer we were looking for. Unfortunately our auto and medical insurance companies were not as easily convinced. Not only did we have a major decision to make regarding the surgery but we were also facing an uphill battle in our attempt to get coverage. Nonetheless, Kristin called a few days later and scheduled her procedure for September, the soonest available date, and we began to plead our case with both insurance companies.

Point of Clarification

2006-08-15T11:28:00.000-05:00

As I continue with the story of my wife’s brain I want to address something that has come up a few times in the comments section of the previous post regarding the accident, our attorney, and the arbitration hearing.

On the night of the accident, police responded to the call, and assisted in directing traffic in order for Kristin to turn her car around because the impact had caused her to spin 180 degrees. Once she cleared the intersection, the officer indicted that an accident report wasn’t necessary because no one needed immediate medical care and both parties agreed to exchange insurance information. Unfortunately this left her without an objective report and no documented witnesses. As a result, when it came time to report the facts to the adjustors it became her word against his.

For reasons still unknown to us, his company denied all responsibility for the accident so the case was sent to an third party arbitrator to determine the level of fault. This is common practice in Minnesota when the two parties disagree. At the same time we had contacted an attorney, as a safeguard, in the event we needed one, but at the time we had no plans to move forward with litigation. The attorney indicated that we should wait for the results of the arbitration between the insurance companies before moving ahead with any legal action. Again, common practice.

When the arbitrator came back with an 80-20 judgement in his favor, our insurance company was bound by that decision, and therefore was unwilling to pay for anything beyond what is provided by our no fault coverage ($20,000). They also refused to refund our $500 deductible on the car repairs. Since the decision was so lopsided against us, and we were facing a fairly uncertain medical future, the attorney stated that it would be nearly impossible to make any claim against the other driver or his insurance company. He advised us against proceeding with legal action, which at the time was a wise decision.

I think it will become clear as we move forward with the story, that our attorney is perhaps one of the few reliable people in our corner and has since reopened the case. For the last few days Kristin and I have been reviewing a memorandum written by him detailing the facts of our case and outlining our claim against the other driver, his insurance company and ours. In fact he has indicated several times that he is willing to file suit if need be. And no, Nikki, we are not paying him a dime unless we receive a settlement.

So the lessons thus far are:

*Always call the police and be sure they file an accident report. It is essential that the facts are documented at the time of the accident, because, as I think is the case with the other driver, memories change over time. Also, be sure you have witnesses.

* Never admit any responsibility, even if it is your fault, when talking to the other party or their insurance company. Kristin and I have disagreed on this and had many “discussions” about it at the time. She is a decent, reasoned and rational person, who tries to see things from the most objective perspective. And unfortunately that is simply not the way the insurance game works. I believe, in her attempted to find the truest understanding of the facts she may have given away something that led the other insurance company, and subsequently the arbitrator, to rule against us.

Finally, I want to say thanks for the kindness and support you have shown, through your comments and simply by reading these posts. I welcome the questions as well. I am finding that the more I tell this tale the more there is to tell and I inadvertently leave out essential pieces. So please ask away.

That's Fronkonsteen!!

2006-08-03T07:47:00.000-05:00

IGOR: What now, boss? A little something to eat and then join the chase?

FREDDY: No! The only hope now is to get (her) back here. If I can just find a way to relieve the pressure on (her) cerebellum...

IGOR: That sound good, boss.

FREDDY:... and equalize the imbalance in (her) cerebrospinal fluid...

IGOR: I like your style, master. How do we get (her) here?

FREDDY: There's only one way.

IGOR: I'll bet it's a doozy. *

I have mentioned several times that my wife, FrankenKristin had brain surgery last year to correct an Chiari Malformation (ACM). Fortunately the surgery went well and she is on the way to recovery. However, the last year and a half has been challenging to say the least. We have learned a lot about the health care system as well as the legal system and although most of the medical intervention she will need have been completed we will likely be fighting with our insurance company over coverage for quite some time. Since this is obviously a long story, I plan to break it up into to several installments. Hopefully I can provide a little insight and possibly share a few of the things we have learned along the way.

It all began on January 13, 2005. It was a below zero Thursday evening and Kristin was driving home from work when she was rear ended while attempting to complete a left turn. Although the police were called an accident report was not filed so my wife was left to exchange information with the other driver and work through the insurance companies. We were assured by our agent that since she was rear ended, there should be no question about liability and we would have our damages covered.

Experiencing the pain and stiffness in her neck and back that usually results from a car accident she began chiropractic treatment as well as acupuncture. While the pain in her lower back improved, increasingly she began to experience pressure in the back of her head and a sharp pain between her shoulders. Because the chiropractor was unable to generate any improvement, he ordered an MRI of her head and neck to determine the nature of the injuries. It was at that time that the radiologist first identified the existence of a ACM.

At the time Kristin did not have a regular physician so we were unable to consult with a doctor. Unfortunately the chiropractor didn't have any experience with ACM either, but he did decide not to do manual manipulations of her neck anymore. We also discussed the issue with our kids' Nurse Practitioner. However she has only seen ACM in children and did not seem to think it was of much significance, her patient's symptoms were easily managed.

Meanwhile the symptoms worsened. She began to suffer constant pressure in the back of her head, a sharp stabbing pain between her shoulder blades, vertigo and headaches. Because she was unable to learn much from those around us she did turned to the internet. After a quick Google search she found an organization called the World Arnold Chiari Malformation Association (WACMA), an organization offering advice and support to those affected by Chiari Malformation and Syringomyelia.

Now for the definition. Arnold Chiari Malformation is an uncommon, congenital anomaly in which the lower part of the cerebellum (the tonsils) protrudes down into the spinal canal. This causes tissue compression in the hindbrain, which hinders the normal flow of the cerebral spinal fluid between the brain and spinal canal. Many people with CM are asymptomatic. In adults, symptoms similar to those Kristin was experiencing are often brought on by a traumatic event such as a blow to the head or whiplash consistent with a car accident. This seemed clearly to be Kristin's case.

Through postings on a support group site Kristin received the name of a local neurosurgeon who was not a specialist in ACM, but had a good amount of experience and had successfully treated others locally. Kristin obtained a referral to see this neurosurgeon for an assessment to determine whether or not the Chiari Malformation was contributing to the worsening of symptoms.

A few weeks later we saw this neurosurgeon who, after looking at Kristin's MRI results for about 2 minutes, declared that there was no evidence of cerebellar crowding. After asking whether we had a pending lawsuit, she told us that Kristin should stop all treatment and simply wait for things to get better as she believed the injuries were simply muscular. When Kristin asked what to do if the symptoms did not improve she said, "If that's what you think will happen, that's what will happen." As you can imagine Kristin left feeling insulted and not at all informed about ACM, but hopeful that the Doctor was correct and that she would see improvement in a few weeks.

Following the local neurosurgeon's direction Kristin discontinued all treatment and waited for symptoms to improve. Not surprisingly they didn't. In fact, things got worse. By now the pressure in the back of her head was so great that she could no longer sleep on her back as her hands went numb within minutes, and found it difficult to walk up stairs, ride in a car, or hold our kids. It became clear that a second opinion was needed. Since there were no specialists locally, we searched for the next available option. What we found was that there are only a handful of people in the country who specialize in treating ACM.

After considerable research it seemed clear that the best option was to visit the doctors at The Chiari Institute (TCI) in New York , one of, if not the only facility specializing in the diagnosis and treatment of ACM/related conditions. We hoped that this would give us a definitive answer. We were also cognizent of the risk of being seen (and misdiagnosed) by a rotating cast of doctors only moderately experienced in ACM. Since it was clear that there was no cure for ACM and that surgery was the only treatment option (other than pain management) we wanted to avoid the possibility that someone might recommend surgery unless we were absolutely certain the ACM was causing her symptoms. Seeing no other alternative we sent her MRI films to TCI and waited for their direction. Upon reviewing the films TCI contacted us the next day and strongly suggested we visit them for a more extensive evaluation.

At the same time we found out that the other driver's insurance company had seized upon something Kristin said in her interview as proof that it was her fault and was therefore denying any responsibility. The case had been forwarded to a third-party arbitrator who was to make a binding determination. Unfortunately for us, the decision came down 80-20 in his favor and we were told the accident was almost solely our responsibility. Thus we could not make a claim against his insurance for any damages and would not recover the $500 deductible we paid to have our car repaired. This came as a serious blow because it was beginning to look as though this was going to cost a lot of money. Unfortunately the attorney we consulted also recommended that we drop the case. Thus we were forced to turn to our medical insurance.

Realizing that we might be faced with an emormous medical bill, we agreed that we couldn't put a price on Kristin's health, and made arrangements to fly out to New York in hopes that we might finally get some help.

-------------------------------------

Part Two:
Our first trip to New York, a (hopeful) visit with the doctors at TCI and a run-in with a drunk. PLUS, more fun with insurance companies.

* Dialogue courtesy of Young Frankenstein.

News From Lake Wherehaveyagone

2006-07-28T09:06:00.000-05:00

It is unlikely that you have been asking yourself, "What has Sven been up to lately?" Well, FrankenKrsitin asks once in awhile but is usually more along the lines of, "What the hell did you do all day?" Whether your interested or not, these are a few of the things that have kept Sven away from the computer lately.

- Like many Minnesotans we have spent quite a few weekends at the Lake. My grandmother has a lakehome in Northern WI so we try to get up there as much as we can. We've gone fishing, tubing, and won first prize in the 4th of July boat parade.

- We spent a weekend in Duluth visiting our friends Jordan and Connie and their new baby Sabina. We tried to ditch the kids for a few quiet hours by burying them in the sand at Park point Beach but they managed to escape. Bugger!

- We have spend a great deal of time at the soccer field watching, playing and coaching. That all comes to an end next week with the big Year End Jamboree. Between the two of them they have seven games in seven days. Talk about soccer overload.

- As I mentioned last week, my aunt Maxine died. She was my Mother's sister and was renowned for her Nostradamus like predictions, most of which came true. Except for the one about me being elected Mayor of South St. Paul. Too many skeletons.

- We are still engaged in an ongoing battle with Medica of over the bill for FrankenKristin's brain surgery. Apparently Bill McGuire's $161 million golden parachute as well as the $30 million in stock options offered to executive Lois Quam make it impossible for the company to afford to provide us with in-network coverage for her surgery. Never mind that there aren't any in-network doctors who specialize in treating Chiari Malformation. More on that next week.

- The drunk that rear ended us last summer finally appeared in court. A year and a day after the accident. He pled guilty.

- We have been helping my sister get things ready for her golf tournament. I'm in charge of the entertainment.

As long as I'm at the computer I can't resist commenting on a few recent items in the local news.

- On Sunday a cousin of mine made the front page of the newspaper in a report on his highly partisan political blog. I haven't had contact with him in years but I do see his father occasionally as he does our taxes each year. The reason I started blogging was because I had to create a user indenity in order to comment on one of the particularly nutty things he had to say so least I can do is give him his props. Frankly, I'm not sure how much his blog actually contributes to the marketplace of ideas as it seems to operate from more of a "gotcha!" mentality, but I know tons of people read it and he made the front page of the paper which is more than I can say for myself. Good luck to ya Michael, and say "Hi" to your dad for me.

- Yesterday it was reported that the father of Minnesota's junior Senator, Norm Coleman, was arrested for engaging in lewd conduct in the parking lot of Red's Savoy Pizza in St. Paul. Now I'm no fan of Senator Coleman and frankly I can't think of another Senator other than Rick Santorum who isn't more deserving of a few jabs, but good grief, leave his dad out of it. If it were the Senator that would be one thing, but hid dad is 81 years old and suffers from poor health, if he can still get it on with a 38 year old woman, more power to him. Besides, I've been to The Savoy and there ain't much too the parking lot, if they were teenagers we'd call 'em thrill seekers.

Next week I begin the tale of FrankenKristin's brain.

Gooooooooooooooooooooaaal!!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-26T09:35:00.000-05:00

Below are pictures of Emma and Luke from their summer soccer program. After last year's experience I volunteered to coach her team this year. Although her coaches last were nice people they didn't schedule more than two practices all season and their game time encouragement consisted of, "PLAY SOCCER!!" as if the girls hadn't understood what they signed up for. Needless to say, she didn't learn much.

This year I vowed things would be different. Although we make sure all the kids get a chance to try every position, most of the season Emma has preferred to play defense. At first I thought she liked defense because she gets to stand around more than at forward but I have came to realize the she simply likes to take things away from people. She showed the same proficiency in hockey last winter. However, being a sucker for the spotlight, much like her father, she expressed a desire to score a goal this season, but not without first brokering a deal for herself. She very wisely convinced us that once she scores a goal we have to treat her to Dairy Queen.

Last night she scored that goal. After the game she order the biggest chocolate ice cream cone I've ever seen. It was enough to feed a family of four for a week.

Luke on the other hand is a prolific scorer, although it's not quite the same thing as he plays in the U-6 level which features a smaller field, no goalies and teams full of kids who have never played soccer before. He is the only player on his team with even a bit of soccer experience. Although they have improved tremendously over the summer his first game was quite a sight. One kid refused to go on the field, one spent the whole game picking his nose while another kid cried every time the ball hit her in the foot. It was almost as fun for the parents as it was for the kids.

Maillot Jaune et le Bon Pantalon

2006-07-20T11:39:00.000-05:00

Damn, this has been a helluva Tour de France. Like many Americans my wife and I became followers of the Tour after following the career of of Lance Armstrong. In fact, after reading his book FrankenKristin was so inspired that she went from being a non-athlete to completing a triathlon. Thanks to my friend Jordan, we had a chance to travel to France in 2002 and witness the final day of the Tour as the riders circled the Champs Elysees. We were there, along with Sophia, to witness Lance's 4th Tour victory. This picture was taken during Lance's victory lap.

Even though the winner had already been determined, it was still one of the most exciting events I’ve ever attended. The beuaty of the Tour de France is that it's the only major world sporting event you can attend without a ticket.

In the absence of Lance Armstrong, there is no doubt that interest in the U.S. has dropped off a bit but it also proved to be a much more competitive race with no overall favorite. My pre-race pick was Ivan Basso but he, along with several other riders including Jan Ulrich, were disqualified just days before the race began because their names were mentioned in connection to a major doping scandal. FrankenKristin’s favorite Alexander Vinakourov also had to drop out because to many of his team members were implicated so they were unable to field a full squad.

With the field wide open and no clear favorite it was anyone’s guess who would win. Early on we were both intrigued by Tom Boonen as much for his cycling as his camel toe.

But he proved unable to meet the challenge and abandoned the race a few days ago. Earlier this week there was a spectacular crash which sent a few riders over the gaurd rail and into the ditch but it paled in comparison to the crash of Joseba Beloki in the 2003 Tour which left him with a broken femur.

During the last few days the commentators have all but annointed Floyd Landis as the eventual winner of the Tour when it reaches Paris on Sunday. However, Wednesday he sucked so bad that he all but gave away the lead and any hope of making it to the podium. Today he came out like Meatloaf and stomped the rest of the field like a Narc at a biker rally. Not only did he win the stage he made up almost all of the time the lost day before. A great performance to be sure but it's a bit premature to put him in the same catergory as Lance Armstrong or Eddy Merckx. The funniest part of the post-race show was listening to Landis' coach give a typical sports interview. Whether Landis can maintain the same pace over the next few days remains to be seen. He does fancy himself a good time trial rider but who knows...

Either way, it beats the hell out of NASCAR and it's a helluva a lot better for the environment.

Either way these next few stages should prove very exciting.

To Rhonda

2006-07-18T12:04:00.000-05:00

Thank you Rhonda. Your movie was beautiful.

As I watched the movie for the third time I thought of my nephew who enlisted recently and will begin basic training once he loses a few more pounds.

As I listened to the music I thought of my high school friends, some of whom I've lost touch with, and their importance in my life. Especially my best friend in high school. Although we remain (somewhat) connected, lately it has been more cyber than personal.

But what moved me the most was the picture of the folded flag being returned to the family. It reminded me of my uncle's funeral. He died in 2001 after a battle with Mesothelioma. I will never forget standing in the small shelter at Fort Snelling National Cemetery. My cousin had just finished singing Amazing Grace when the military representative folded the flag that had draped his coffin, presented it to my aunt, and stated, "On behalf of the President of the United States and a grateful nation, I offer you this flag in memory of our fallen comrade." It was at that moment that I broke down. Sadly, he was joined by his wife yesterday morning.

My heart goes out to you, both for your pain and your generosity.

Mondegreens For $200 Please

2006-07-05T22:37:00.000-05:00

For several years Saturday Night Live had a recurring sketch called Celebrity Jeopardy led by Will Ferrell as Alex Trebek. Most of the episodes featured Sean Connery, played by Darrell Hammond, openly antagonizing Trebek by transforming category names into sexually suggestive phrases. My favorite was the category "An Album Cover" which Connery pronounced Anal Bum Cover.

This episode came to mind today as I was reading an article in the local paper about seemingly legitimate businesses with slightly questionable domain names. Some fall into the what were they thinking category while others must surely be the result of a more mischievous mind. Below are a few of my favorites.

* A database titled Who Represents listing the names of the agents representing various celebrities: whorepresents.com.

* Need a pen? Well then, be sure stop by Pen Island, your one stop shop for the biggest and best pens around: penisland.net.

* If you are in need of therapy your in double luck. You can choose from therapistfinder.net or therapistfinder.com.

* Those interested in the latest computer software should visit ipanywhere.com.

* Brits looking for an advertising agency might turn to speedofart.com.

* Folks seeking a relaxing Nevada vacation spot should look no further than gotahoe.com, the ultimate Lake Tahoe resource.

* It seems someone must have tipped off the folks at the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales. Although their original URL, www.molestationnursery.com still works it now takes you directly to their new site at molerivernursery.com. Party poopers.

I Love A Parade

2006-07-04T22:51:00.000-05:00

We spent the weekend up north at my Grandmother's lake home. Every year the Lake Association sponsors a boat parade followed by an ice cream social. A few years ago, in an effort to represent an alternative to the behemoth pontoons and super fancy speed boats, FrankenKristin and I decided to decorated our canoe and enter the parade.

As you can imagine, we were the smallest boat in the parade and few people expected us to keep up with the rest of the boats let alone paddle all the way around the lake. Although we were the sentimental favorite with all the parade watchers receiving lots of applause and a few standing ovations. Unfortunately, we did not win the coveted first prize, (breakfast for four at the Lumberjack Saloon) because they didn't have a category for us. Instead we got a hat.

The following year we lobbied the association to add a category for non-motorized watercraft and we have won every year since, although we have rarely faced much of a challenge. Two years ago, a couple of kids entered a peddle boat but they quit halfway around the lake. This year they actually finished but their decorations left a bit to be desired. Anyway, this is the first year we brought the kids along with us. Up until now the span of their attention as well as the grape-like size of Luke's bladder have prevented them from joining us.

The picture above represents this year's entry. Next year I think we are going to put a dragon head on the front of the canoe, arm the kids with paddles and dress up as Vikings. Afterall, it has been proven that we were the first ones to paddle this part of the country back in 1362.

Introducing Chompy

2006-06-28T23:24:00.000-05:00

Every kid should raise a caterpillar.

Last weekend Luke and Emma found a caterpillar while at on a nature hike at my grandmother's lake home. We weren't sure of the species but we liked it because it was different from any other caterpillar we had seen before. So, being the good (or bad depending on your perspective) parents we are, we agreed to put it in a plastic container, bring it home, and to see what would happen. Because my son is young enough that he still names things based on their appearance or behavior, we have decided to call our caterpillar Chompy. Keep in mind we had no idea what sort of animal we were introducing into our house but I was confident in the notion that if need be I could step on it and come up with some lame excuse later on.

Thank goodness for the internet. With a quick Google I found out a few days ago that the caterpillar in question is a White-Marked Tussock Moth. For the last few days we have been watching excitedly as it ate every leaf we put in it's bucket and left us with copious amounts of fecal matter. Yesterday it began to spin a cocoon. This is what it should look like once it emerges.

I haven't found any information to tell me that it should be a nuisance but just in case I think I'll borrow some moth balls from my grandmother.

Let's Get Dirty

2006-06-21T10:28:00.000-05:00

As I've mentioned before my wife is a gardener. We keep a vegetable garden with a wide variety of things including peas, kale, spinich, cucumbers, peppers, broccoli, cabbage, lettuce, rhubarb, onions, tomatoes, tomatillos, canteloupe, watermelon, pumkin and myriad herbs. Along with that she had filled nearly every border space around our house and with various flower gardens. In summers past while she is busy planting, pruning, weeding or watering she and the kids will help themselves to vegetable right off the plants such that I don't think a single pea has ever made it into the house.

This summer however, she had gotten the kids involved by handing over a small patch of land to each one and allowing them to choose and plant whatever they wish. Excitedly, they too have been digging weeding and watering the personal gardens, celebrating each new bloom. They've even marked their gardens with painted bricks. Below are a few pictures. Enjoy.

Luke's Garden

Luke's Garden includes Violet Queen Cleome, Vista Purple Salvia and Creeping Thyme.

Emma's Garden

Emma's Garden incudes, Pink, Yellow and Purple Star Petunias, Yellow Irises, Love Lies Bleeding, an Ivy Geranium and one lone Cornflower.

New Infectious Disease Warning

2006-06-20T11:39:00.000-05:00

I received an E-mail yesterday announcing the discovery of a new infectious disease. Although I usually take these sorts of warnings with a bit of skepticism, this one gave me pause. Judge for yourself.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of highly contagious infectious disease. The infection, which is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior, is called Gonorrhea Lectim and is pronounced "gonna re-elect 'im." Most victims contracted it in 2004, after having been secretly screwed for four years.

Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include: anti-social personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept responsibility for own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced bravado, uncontrolled facial smirking,ignorance of geography and history, tendencies towards evangelical theocracy, categorical all-or-nothing behavior.

Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a single bush found in Texas. Specialists hope to discover a cure by 2008.

Two Nights Only

2006-06-16T08:30:00.000-05:00

We have a gig this weekend at Bamboozles in beautiful Webb Lake, WI. We are playing from 9:30-1:30 Friday and Saturday nights. Webb Lake is the heart of cabin country in northern WI so we should be guaranteed a good crowd. If your in the neighborhood, stop by.

Flag Day

2006-06-14T08:58:00.000-05:00

Today, June 14th, is Flag Day in the United States. It commemerates the adoption of the flag of the United States which happened on this day in 1777. In 1916, President Woodrow Wilson issued a proclamation that officially established June 14 as Flag Day; in August 1949, National Flag Day was established by an Act of Congress. For those of you considering flying a flag today, or any day, I offer a few Federal rules and customs pertaining to the display and use of the flag of the United States of America.

* The flag should be flown from sunrise to sunset on a stationary flagpost in the open. The flag may be displayed twenty-four hours a day if it is properly illuminated after dark.

* The flag should not be displayed on days when the weather is inclement, except when an all-weather flag is displayed.

* The flag should not be displayed on a float in a parade except from a staff.

* The flag should not be draped over the hood, top, sides, or back of a vehicle or of a railroad train or a boat. When the flag is displayed on a motorcar, the staff shall be fixed firmly to the chassis or clamped to the right fender.

* When multiple flags are flown from adjacent staffs, the flag of the United States should be hoisted first and lowered last. No such flag or pennant may be placed above the flag of the United States or to the United States flag's right.

* When displayed either horizontally or vertically against a wall, the union should be uppermost and to the flag's own right, that is, to the observer's left.

* The flag, when flown at half-staff, should be first hoisted to the peak for an instant and then lowered to the half-staff position. The flag should be again raised to the peak before it is lowered for the day.

* When the flag is used to cover a casket, it should be so placed that the union is at the head and over the left shoulder. The flag should not be lowered into the grave or allowed to touch the ground.

* The flag should never be displayed with the union down, except as a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property.

* The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery. It should never be festooned, drawn back, nor up, in folds, but always allowed to fall free.

* The flag should never have placed upon it, nor on any part of it, nor attached to it any mark, insignia, letter, word, figure, design, picture, or drawing of any nature.

* The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever. It should not be embroidered on such articles as cushions or handkerchiefs and the like, printed or otherwise impressed on paper napkins or boxes or anything that is designed for temporary use and discard.

* No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform. However, a flag patch may be affixed to the uniform of military personnel, firemen, policemen, and members of patriotic organizations.

* The flag, when it is in such condition that it is no longer a fitting emblem for display, should be destroyed in a dignified way, preferably by burning.

Lastly, and this is my own little rule, to those of you self righteous bastards who use the United States flag as way to demonstrate your "patriotism" and to demonize me for not subscribing to your wing-nut agenda, screw you! It's my flag too. (You know who you are.)

Here I Am To Save The Day

2006-06-09T11:06:00.000-05:00

Mild mannered college student by day, and socially conscious pizza guy by night, Cameron Evans a.k.a. "Luke Pie Rocker" sprang into action on the streets of Minneapolis Tuesday to rescue a damsel in distress from a would be purse snatcher. It just so happens that the standard uniform at Galactic Pizza includes orange tights, black boots and a cape. With the scoundrel cornered, and the purse returned the shaken but relieved victim was overheard saying, "I'm so thankful...He's my hero!"

Read the whole story here.

Seven On The Line

2006-06-06T07:40:00.000-05:00

Several years ago I was approached by a couple of high school students who wanted help starting a High School Ultimate Frisbee League. At the time I didn’t know what Ultimate was or how it was played but I agreed to meet with them and hear what they had to say. They had been sent to me by the High School Activities Director, who didn’t have time to deal with “those Frisbee kids”.

After doing a little research and a lot of grassroots organizing we put together an informal co-ed league of 10 teams from 8 different schools. We scheduled a few games and hosted a one-day tournament which was attended by over 200 players, parents and fans. All the time, field space and supplies were either donated or borrowed and the kids paid nothing.

Five years later the 2006 Minnesota High School Ultimate Championship is sponsored by the UPA, the national governing body for Ultimate in the US and included 24 open (boys) and 6 girls teams. This year’s tournament was held last weekend. The event was spread over 2-days and was featured on the local evening news.

Developed in 1967 in New Jersey, Ultimate is similar to football or soccer in that it is played by two teams whose object is to score points by advancing the disc to the opposite end zone. What sets Ultimate apart from other sports is the Spirit of the Game. Ultimate relies upon a spirit of sportsmanship which places the responsibility for fair play on the player. Highly competitive play is encouraged, but never at the expense of mutual respect among players, adherence to the agreed upon rules or the basic joy of play. Because spirit is emphasized above all else, it is assumed that players will not intentionally violate the rules, and there is no provision for penalties when a foul occurs. This means there is no need for referees. Players call their own fouls and play resumes in a manner that simulates what would likely have taken place had there been no infraction.

It was the emphasis on Spirit of the Game that drew me to Ultimate and it is that aspect that makes it so unique. Unlike any other sport Ultimate demands and achieves a level of camaraderie among players that is simply not present in other sports. I have seen players return game winning points because they “knew they were out”, even though it would have been advantageous to claim otherwise. Sunday I stood by on the sidelines with the other coaches, players and spectators while the 14 players on the field spent nearly 5 minutes discussing a very controversial call in an effort to determine who had the best perspective and therefore could make the right call. It was an amazing thing to witness and yet it happens all the time. At the end of the game each team organized a cheer for the other, thanking them for playing and congratulating them on the performance.

My school sent 3 teams to the tournament. Our A team took 5th and the B team 9th in the open division. Our girls team placed 3rd. I’m not only proud of these kids for their performance on the field but off the field as well. It almost makes the sunburn worth it.

A Is For Allen, B Is For Boob

2006-06-01T15:55:00.000-05:00

While checking out Craigslist today I ran across this ad in the barter section:

"I would like to barter with someone for items I need that I can't afford to buy at the moment due to circumstances. (My husband tripped over his mid-life crisis and landed in a pair of boobs that weren't mine). I have advertising space on my popular website, We Think Cheaters Suck to trade for needed items."

Assuming her story is true, it seems that this 34 year old mother of one has found herself alone, after 12 years of marriage. It turns out that while she was hard at work managing her brain-injured son’s daily routine, taking him to a gazillion doctors and specialists, arranging his therapies, etc., her husband had been sleeping with the silicone-festooned Staci with an “i”. Having spent the last several years as a stay-at-home parent with no means of financial support, she is now looking for ways to pay for the basic necessities of life. In addition to selling ad space she also accepts donations via Paypal and will soon be selling the remnants of her now defunct marriage, including her former husband’s remaining belongings.

You’ve gotta love her entrepreneurial spirit.

On a side note, I was looking over the list of those who have declared that cheaters suck by donating to her cause when I noticed that the first entry was from someone trying to “hook-up”. Unbelievable.

Either way, take a look. If she's legit she could probably use the support.

****************************************

-Update-

Misha has more on the world of cheaters here.

Asshat of the Week - My Nomination

2006-05-25T06:48:00.000-05:00

Earlier this week Atilla The Mom nominated Los Angeles resident Michael Cohn for Asshat of the Week. It seems Mr. Cohn was cheesed off at not being given a complimentary Mother's Day totebag while attending a Los Angeles Angels baseball game last year. In fact, his pain and suffering was so great that he filed a class action lawsuit requesting $4,000 in damages for himself and each of the "victims".

While I believe Mr. Cohn certainly is a petty little man and perhaps even worthy of the title Asshat, I would like to nominate a challenger for this week's award. My selection for Asshat of the Week is Ms. Bethann Hiltson.

It seems that Ms. Hiltson, age 27, found the task of getting a job to support herself too troublesome. Instead she felt it would be better to force "her developmentally disabled half-sister into prostitution by telling her she would be sent back to a group home if she didn't give men what they wanted". According to the allegations, Ms. Hilston, who is her sister's caretaker and receives her Social Security checks, would set up "dates" for her sister and keep the proceeds for herself. She is also accused of posting nude photos of her sister on the internet and attempting to coerce others in her building to assist in her scheme. She is currently being held in the Ramsey County Jail.

It sort of makes Cain and Abel's relationship look pretty healthy in comparison.

Back Home Again

2006-05-23T09:35:00.000-05:00

We are back from New York. We did a lot of sight seeing and the medical check-up went very well. I'll write more later but in the meantime, check out the pictures from our trip.

Sven's Personal Memos

The House That George Tore Down

A Bridge To Somewhere

I Don't Like Ike

Organize This (A Book Recommendation)

Rest In Peace

Stand Up And Be Heard ** UPDATED

Listen To Her Heart

Fast As You

Where Have All The Hours Gone?

Coaching 101

Are You Smarter Than A 4th Grader?

Your Health, Your Partner

Voyage To The Bottom Of The Tub

Life, Liberty And The Pursuit Of Smoke

Lucky In Love

Shutterbug

Mars vs. Venus

How's Your Sister

You're How Old?

Three Nice Days For A Walk

Question Of The Day

I Get A Kick Out Of You

Concrete and Barbed Wire

Eat Your Heart Out Bindi Irwin

Blonde Wigs and Double Ds

Pray For Us Sinners

Sven's Personal Mailbag

That Was Weird

ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

Caption Contest

Any Suggestions?

Question Of The Day

Uff Da! (Corrected Spelling*)

Well, The Truth Is...

Pink Ladies

Whose Stigma Is It Anyway?

Pray For A Safe Return

Game On!

I Don't Even Know What To Say - Update

Why I Wish I Could Afford Cable

Your Future Is In Your Hand

I Don't Even Know What To Say

His Parents Must Be So Proud

Right Back At You

Happy Valentine's Day

"Wonderful Memories For Your Children"

Pachelbel's Canon from Hell

My Lucky Day

Skate Away

Hot Enough For You?

Blogger Pissed Me Off

It's A Nice Day For A White Christmas

The Sunday Trumpet

I'm Your Christmasman

The Weather Inside Is Frightful

Our Fine Four Fendered Friend

The Day They Cut My Wife's Head Open

The Sunday Trumpet

My New Toy

Happy Texas Is A Sad Place To Be

An Open Letter To Michele Bachmann

Do It Today

The Sunday Trumpet

Oh Brother! Where Art Thou Cojones?

Fill It To The Rim With Brim

The Sunday Trumpet

How About That!!

The Sunday Trumpet

Opinions Are Like...

I Pity The Fool

The Sunday Trumpet

I Got Game

B as in B*ll, S as in Sh*t

You Bring The Guns, I'll Bring The Roses

Lights In The Loafers

When Mountains Crumble To The Sea...

Caption Contest

I Know I'll Often Stop And Think About Them

A Book What?

B as in Bll, S as in Sht