How To Be a Good Counselor

For those of you thinking of entering the counseling field, here are few tips that will enable to you to look, feel and sound more confident.

1. Create a list of “buzzwords” to be used when meeting with clients, consulting with colleagues and writing reports. Here are few examples.
- check-in
- touch base
- drop the ball
- issues
- root cause
- appropriate
- piggy back
- follow-up
- speak to
- debrief

2. Nod your head while speaking. This not only affirms the importance of what you are saying but notifies the client that your opinion is correct and should not be challenged.

3. Emulate your favorite pop culture therapist. Daytime TV and self-help book shelves are filled with straight-talking-tell-it-like-it-is soothsayers. There is always room for one more Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura.

4. Try to appear culturally competent by hanging a Native American dream catcher or a poster of Martin Luther King Jr. on your wall. If you can, learn a few Spanish phrases.

5. The root cause of all of the client’s issues can be blamed on his or her father. Regardless of the complaint all therapeutic paths lead to dad.

6. Make sure that everything you say, especially statements, sound like questions? Be sure to raise your pitch at the end of each sentence? That way your client will really know you care?

7. Don’t hesitate to use your work as an opportunity to sort out your own issues. Remember, therapy is a two-way street.

8. Always state the obvious. If a client tells a horrific tale of abuse, neglect, and emotional distress there are no more comforting words than, “That must have been hard.”

9. When leading a group therapy session be sure to make at least three people cry. If there are no tears, there is no therapy.

10. Most importantly, counseling is about showing compassion, without really caring.

Same Blog - Different Name

I was never really happy with "Michael Stanefski's Weblog" as the name for this blog but I had to choose something so I figured it would do. However, thanks to Rusty, I have changed the title to Sven's Personal Memos.

Please adjust your compasses accordingly.

BTW, I find it interesting that blog is not recognized by the spellcheck.

Vinyl Records

One of my favorite performers is Todd Snider. He is witty, sarcastic, prolific and can craft a helluva hook. In 2002 he released a song called Vinyl Records which is an ode to the those old wax discs we all grew up on. The song begings with these lyrics:

"I’ve got a dusty old pile of vinyl records sittin’ on my floor
I’ve played each one of ‘em over and over a dozen times or more
All I’ve got is a beat up chair a mattress a fork and another to spare
And that dusty old pile of records on my floor"

I too have a dusty old pile of records on my floor.

My record collection began when I purchased a copy of Glass Houses by Billy Joel. From that point on I was hooked. Every two weeks I would cash my McDonald's check and make the drive out to Cheapo Records to peruse the new arrivals. When I finally made the switch to Compact Discs I had ammased over 500 LPs. Many of whom were like old friends. Sadly, my phonograph needle passed away about 8 years ago and much like Mr. Snider my records became nothing more than a dusty old pile taking up way too much floor space. In fact, the last time I listened to a record my wife and I were still childless.

Last week all of that changed. I finally broke down, made the trip out to The Needle Doctor and picked up a new Shure needle. Like starting a lawnmower for the first time in spring, my old turntable coughed and sputtered but eventually spun back to life grateful for the opportunity to once again trace those waxy grooves.

It has been fun to dig out some of those old gems I had nearly forgotten about such as The Velvet Underground, The Bodeans, Rickie Lee Jones, and of course Glass Houses. Best of all, the return of my turntable has allowed me to revist some of those old Mpls bands I grew up on. Being a child of the '80s in MN one's thoughts turn immediately to what was dubbed the Minneapolis Sound. This genre was lead by the likes of Prince, Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis, and The Time.

However, during that same time, while the city of Minneapolis was awash in purple, a whole different side of the Minneapolis Sound was emerging out of the rubble of the Punk movement. Those pioneers, bands such as Hüsker Dü, The Replacements, The Suburbs and Soul Asylum, not only created some of the most important music of the '80s, but they paved the way for the mega-commercial success of what came to be known as the Seattle Sound. While many of these bands have re-released their earlier work on CD most reside in the "where are they now" file. It is these albums that I am looking forward to spending time with. Plus, it has been an additional treat regaling my kids with stories of the good old days when you used to have to go ALL THE WAY TO A STORE to buy music.

So welcome back Phones, nice to see you again Flaming Oh's, glad to hear you're doing well Trip Shakespeare. Let's sit for a while, we have so much to catch up on.

"One time in San Francisco
I was standin’ in an airport line
In one bag I had all my clothes and in the other was all them ol’ records of mine
The lady said I could only bring one bag
I had two, Oh what a drag
I had to jump on the plane and leave all my clothes behind"

Am I Overreacting?

Today, as I was coming back to work from a meeting outside the building, I saw a woman pull up to the door and leave her car running while she ran inside. I thought this somewhat foolish as there are 3400 high schoool kids here just looking for something to do. Then I noticed the young child buckled into a safety seat in the back of her car. That put me over the edge.

Is it just me or is that incredibly stupid?

Perhaps it was fear or maybe righteous indignation but I decided to stand by the car until the woman came back out. She wasn't gone more than a minute and when she came she asked I was waiting for. I told her I was making sure no one stole her kid. She mumbled something about only being gone a minute and then promptly sped off without another word.

Maybe I'm overreacting but it seems really, really dumb to leave an unattended child in the back of a running car.

Pine Needles and Septic Tanks

We were "up north" this weekend. Those of you not from Minnesota may not be familiar with the tradition of going up north but it is damn near an expectation where I come from. For umptimillion years my grandmother has owned a lake place in northern WI and as long as I can remember we have spent weekends up there relaxing, working, or in the case of my dad, relaxing by working. The place gets used much more in the summer than the winter but the family and I managed to steal away for a few days of snow based R&R last weekend.

This is snowmobile country and the majority of winter visitors spend their time whizzing through the woods hopping from bar to bar in a constant effort to stay warm. We used to snowmobile when I was a kid but as is the case with many of the activities I enjoyed growing up, it has become far more expensive than we can afford with two children and one income. Thus we spent much of the weekend sledding, hiking and rasslin' in the snow. I also had a chance to take some pictures, this is one I particularly liked.



In between tag team bouts with the kids and chasing after the dog I had a chance to peruse the local classified ads. Among the many entries for boats, lots, and old fishing gear was a whole section devoted to septic services. Perhaps this is similar in other parts of the country but in northern WI it seems that the septic business attracts people with a certain propensity for word play. Sort of reminiscent of the gravediggers in Hamlet. Maybe you need a sense of humor to do that kind of work but really appreciated these two ads:

Steve's Septic Service

"We take crap from anyone"

Porky's Pooper Pumper

"No pooper to big or to small"

All told it was a great weekend.

Be Faithful to the Gospel

WARNING- I need to be serious here for a minute so exercise caution in reading further.

The other day I went to an Ash Wednesday service at one of those big suburban mega-churches on my lunch hour. I've been to Mass at big churches and Cathedrals around the world but there is something a little odd about a church that looks like a Rocky Mountain Hunting Lodge. I understand that there is more to the church than the building and if I was a member of their parish I would probably feel differently. Especially because a woman led the service which is unprecedented in a Catholic church and frankly centuries overdue. Nonetheless, I think I'll stick to my little basement church with the school on top. Its not perfect but its home.

The same day I got an E-mail about a group of Catholics in Congress who released a Statement of Principles explaining the relationship between their faith and their public commitments. The basic premise is this:

"As Catholic Democrats in Congress we are proud to be part of the living Catholic tradition -- a tradition that promotes the common good, expresses a consistent moral framework for life and highlights the need to provide a collective safety net to those individuals in society who are most in need. As legislators, in the U.S. House of Representatives, we work every day to advance respect for life and the dignity of every human being. We believe that government has moral purpose."

Their goal is to rescue political debate in the Catholic church from those who have tried to use it as a weapon to advance one issue and one issue only, abortion. It is interesting to note that this group is NOT pro-choice but rather includes people on all sides of the debate. The idea is to return to an emphasis on Catholic Social Teaching including economic justice, dignity of the human person, preferential option for the poor, stewardship of the land, and the promotion of peace. This statement came on the heals of a platform released by the Ohio Democratic Catholic Caucus called the 95-10 Initiative which would provide real, meaningful solutions to abortion including fully funding WIC, ensuring access to affordable prenatal health care for ALL woman, increasing domestic violence funding and prohibiting insurance companies from labeling pregnancy as a pre-existing condition.

Not surprisingly the confederacy of dunces are out in force. Shortly after the statement was released, Tom McKlusky of the Family Research Council attempted to shift the debate back to abortion by stating that,

"What is at the core of being Catholic is the life issue, and that's something the pope has never strayed from," he said. "While other issues are important -- such as helping the poor, the death penalty, views on war -- these are things that aren't tenets of the Catholic Church".

This is a gross miscarachterization of Catholic principles and is in direct conflict with Pope Benedict XVI's Lenten Message which reflects on our responsibility towards the poor. It is this responsibility that leaders in our government and those claiming to represent "Christian" faithful have summarily abandoned.

One particularly interesting aspect of this debate is raised by Washington Post columnist E.J. Dionne who contrasts the difference between the way John F. Kennedy's Catholic faith was perceived as he ran for President in 1960 with that of 2004 Presidential candidate John F. Kerry. President Kennedy made very public statements regarding the separation of church and state and iterated clearly that "no Catholic prelate would tell the President how to act." In 2004, several bishops forbid Catholics from voting for Senator Kerry because of his political views. In Senator Kerry's case the opposition was due solely to his belief that federal policy should ensure that abortions are safe, legal and rare.

It seems that discourse within the Catholic faith has been hijacked by those who are unable to see beyond one issue and have lost site of the common good for ALL. The unfortunate effect of this narrow focus is that we have lost site of true Catholic social teaching. This is not only detrimental to our country but contrary to the development of faith.

This Lent we focus on the Gospel of Luke, who underscores the compassion Jesus showed for the sick, the poor, and those on the margins of society. His is the only gospel to include the parables of the Good Samaritan and the Prodigal Son. Perhaps people of faith, both in and out of politics, can take a lesson from Luke and move toward a truly compassionate government.



Here ends the lesson. Now back to your regularly scheduled silliness.

Kanye Was Right

It seems Kanye West was right.

Sports Quiz - Answer

Ok Charlie here it is. My sister actually guessed correctly but she is afraid to post.

Q: Among the four most popular professional American sports leagues (NFL, MLB, NHL, NBA) there are only two days per year when no games are scheduled. Which days are they?

A: The day before and after Major League Baseball's All Star game.

I told you it was anti-climactic.

I Heard It Was True

I read an article in the paper today about a couple who put what they believed to be a germ infested pile of cash in the microwave to disinfect it only to see the whole wad go up in flames. The writer, believing this to be an urban legend, tried the experiment herself.

Which got me to thinking about some of the stupid shit I've tried, "because I heard it was true".

* As much as I wanted to be scared, no gruesomly murdered pre-teen girl appeared in my mirror-no matter how many times I chanted her bloody name.

* Somwhere in the garage I still have a can of coke with a nail in it.

* Despite his best efforts Harry Potter has not turned me into a satanist.

* I have yet to go blind.

So, what stupid rumors have you tested, just to see of it works?

Back to School

I have been taking a Wednesday night class at the local community college and I have to say it has been rather fun going back to school. The class is called Drugs of Use and Abuse. It is taught by a former ER nurse who is just about the flightiest person I have ever seen. One of my classmates referred to her as "that old lady from Grumpier Old Men". I believe she was referring to Sophia Loren. This teacher is pretty goofy and gets a kick out of talking about "the good old days". Recently, she told a story about being exposed to lead in the drinking water at a state hospital she used to work at. I think that explains a few things about her.

Sitting in a class full of 20 years I feel like the elder statesman. With the exception of one other woman I am clearly the oldest person there. Last week a one of my classmates was actually talking on her cell phone during class. Some of these kids are pretty cool and I've actually had a bit of fun. She told us that the evening class (which we are) is scoring 10 points higher on her test than the day class which blows me away because they are OPEN BOOK TESTS. How do you screw up and open book, multiple choice test? Next week is spring break, which, when you are 38 years old and married with two kids somehow looses its appeal. Rather than go somewhere exotic I think I'll just take a nap.

Anyway, it has been a lot of fun and I think everyone should go back to school (Or go for the first time) every once in while just for the experience.