Tuesday, June 20, 2006

New Infectious Disease Warning

I received an E-mail yesterday announcing the discovery of a new infectious disease. Although I usually take these sorts of warnings with a bit of skepticism, this one gave me pause. Judge for yourself.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of highly contagious infectious disease. The infection, which is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior, is called Gonorrhea Lectim and is pronounced "gonna re-elect 'im." Most victims contracted it in 2004, after having been secretly screwed for four years.

Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include: anti-social personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept responsibility for own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced bravado, uncontrolled facial smirking,ignorance of geography and history, tendencies towards evangelical theocracy, categorical all-or-nothing behavior.

Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a single bush found in Texas. Specialists hope to discover a cure by 2008.


Heather said...

That is awesome Sven! I've got to pass on a link to my friend the Dr!
Thanks for the grins!

Attila The Mom said...

Ooooh. Good one! LOL

The Boy said...

I have never heard psychobabble better spoken.

I am wondering, though, if the CDC isn't a bit optimistic for 2008 . . .

Sven said...

Pooper: You may be right about that. I have a sneaking suspicion that if a cure is discovered in 2008 it will only give rise to a new disease. Perhaps Gonogloata Boutit.