I Don't Even Know What To Say

This article appeared in the online version of the (other) local paper today. Suffice it to say I'm speechless.

A girl's beloved dog, a grisly nightmare

By Mary Lynn Smith, Star Tribune

Crystal Brown's world was turned upside down a month ago when Chevy, her 4-year-old Australian shepherd mix, didn't come home.

"I told him everything and he never shared any of my secrets," said Crystal, 17, who has had some troubled times in her young life. Chevy was her therapy dog, and she leaned on him for comfort and support.

Two weeks ago, a gift-wrapped box was left at the house where she lives with her grandmother in St. Paul's Rice Street area. Inside the box, Crystal was horrified to find her dog's head.

"This was so cruel," Crystal said Wednesday. "This is one sick, twisted person."

The incident is considered so shocking that the Humane Society of the United States announced Wednesday that it was offering a reward of up to $2,500 for information leading to an arrest and conviction.

Homicide investigators are looking into the case because of the "implied" terroristic threat, St. Paul Police Sgt. Jim Gray said.

"This was extraordinarily heinous," said Dale Bartlett, the Humane Society's deputy manager for animal cruelty issues. "I deal with hundreds and hundreds of cruelty cases each year. When I read about this case, it took my breath away. It's horrible."

This case, Bartlett said, is far worse than a recent episode in Oshkosh, Wis., where a 49-year-old man decapitated two of his kittens because "they were annoying."

Sending the dog's head to the teenager was a malicious act, Bartlett said. "That level of depravity is beyond belief."

Shirley Brown, Crystal's grandmother, said that Chevy wandered off after she let him out one night in mid-February.

'It was just me and him'

Crystal peppered the neighborhood with "missing" posters, and went door to door with two photos of Chevy in hopes that someone had spotted him. She rode the bus countless times to the St. Paul animal shelter and called there "thousands of times," she said.

"I felt empty," Crystal said. "I couldn't talk to anyone. He was my dog. It was just me and him."

Then Shirley Brown came home one day and found a box wrapped in red paper on her front steps, with batteries taped to the box. "Congratulations Crystal," the note said. "This side up. Batteries included."

Shirley Brown placed the box on her granddaughter's bedroom dresser. "I was surprised and excited," Crystal said. "I thought it was a gift from my cousin."

She tore off the paper and ripped open the box. Inside, she found valentine candy and a black garbage bag. And then she saw her dog's face.

Crystal screamed and ran to the kitchen to find her grandmother: "Is this my dog, Grandma? No! That's not my dog? Is it my dog?"

An isolated incident

Gray said that investigators believe the case is an isolated incident and that the suspect knows the family. "We don't know what the motive would be," Gray said. "It's a terrible thing to do to someone's pet."

Anyone with information regarding this case is asked to call St. Paul police at 651-266-5659.

Chevy, Crystal said, was the best friend she ever had.

"He was more patient than any person I ever met. That dog waited for years for me to get myself together," said Crystal, who began to cry.

"That dog didn't care what I did, what I didn't do ... what anyone did to me. He didn't care about any of that. He just wanted to love me the way I loved him."

Crystal has a new puppy now, another Australian shepherd that she's named Diesel. The puppy's no Chevy. Not yet, anyway.

"Hopefully, he'll be my best friend," Crystal said. Hopefully, he will be my guide through life."

Mary Lynn Smith • 651-298-1550 • mlsmith@startribune.com

His Parents Must Be So Proud

Asshat was a term coined by our good blogger friend Admiral Pooper Scooper to describe persons capable of any variety of ridiculous, disturbing or offensive behavior. Soon after, Attila the Mom created an award given to the most outrageous Asshat each week. Although I realize I may be violating her intellectual property rights by posting this, after reading this article I couldn’t resist.

So it is with great respect, and apologies, that I submit my nomination for Asshat of the Week.

It was reported today in the (other) local paper that a 16-year-old in Cloquet, MN. found it so amusing when he dumped a pitcher of ice water on a 90-year-old nursing home resident in June that he returned and did it twice more, in December and again last month. And then bragged about it to his buddies at school.

In the story the boy is quoted as saying,

“Me and [another teenager] were like, this is gonna be hilarious, 'cause this lady was talking to herself and she was yelling and stuff so we threw it on her," the 16-year-old boy told police, describing the first incident. “She started screaming and freaking out so we thought this was hilariously funny, and we were all talking about it in school and everyone was laughing about it."

Funny?!? Really?!?

Not to those of us with 90-year-old grandmothers. On any other reasonable human being, for that matter. I can’t even begin to count the different kinds of crap that this kid should have kicked out of him.

Fortunately, due some diligent investigation on the part of the nursing home administrator, the kid was charged last week with felony stalking.

For 10 days after the third incident, (the administrator) drove through school parking lots looking for the license plate, finally finding it at the school in Proctor. "The principal knew right away whose car it was," he said. "I told the police, 'Look, I know who that kid is, who his dad is and where the dad works. Do something, because we've got staff and families who are just waiting, and if those kids come back, somebody's going to jump them.'"

The County Attorney will ask the judge next week to certify the boy as an adult which exempts him from certain protections but is an insult to adults everywhere (except maybe Tom Green).

Now I like to think of myself as a forgiving person but I’m finding it really, really hard to muster and compassion for kid. I spent several years developing a community-based Restorative Justice Program in my community and truly believe in the power of forgiveness but, this one pushes me to the limit. I think of my own grandmother and how she might react. And what I might do as a result. Anything short of an Alabama Ass Whuppin' is too good for this turd.

Ask me tomorrow and I may have calmed down a bit. But not today.

Right Back At You

Happy Birthday to the The Man in Black.

Happy Valentine's Day

Below is a rerun of last year's Valentine's Day Greeting but since I stand by every word I chose to post it again.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

On this Valentine's Day I'd like to list 10 reasons why I love my wife.

10. Kristin is funny!
Whether its the pursed-lips-to-avoid-being-kissed trick, the fake-booger-joke or her appreciation of Spinal Tap and Bizarro, Kristin makes me laugh. I'm particularly grateful that she still plays along with my stupid jokes after all these years.

9. Kristin loves her kids.
Although she originally entertained the thought of parenthood with ambivalence she quickly warmed to the idea about 5 seconds after Emma was born. She is keenly aware of their needs and showers them with affection. She loves them beyond measure and they know it.

8. Kristin is courageous.
Taking her health care into her own hands and traveling halfway across the country to allow a complete stranger to cut her head open takes a bit of courage. I am proud of her for not simply accepting the dismal opinions of local medical professionals and instead taking it upon herself to find the most qualified person possible to diagnose and treat her condition.

7. Kristin is strong.
While she does not feel so lately, her strength is more than just physical. Her spirit over the last two years is the quintessential embodiment of the Serenity Prayer.

6. Kristin loves dirt.
Her passion for gardening is generational and she has done wonderful things to make our small corner of the world more green. Although she may not call it such, gardening is an avocation to which she is truly gifted.

5. Kristin is optimistic.
Even in the face of enormous medical bills and the very real possibility that her symptoms may not improve she continued to believe that everything would work out because everything always works out. From the smallest to the largest, Kristin's glass is always at least half full.

4. Kristin is humble.
Unlike the glory-whore that is me, Kristin is perfectly happy to quietly go about her business, always doing the right thing, always thinking of the needs of others, always going beyond the expected and rarely, if ever, seeking reward or accolade. She may call it shyness but I call it grace.

3. Kristin has wild hairs.
Not on her head, although that is certainly a true as well. Kristin quite often gets what she calls "a wild hair" and will embark on a project that more often than not, involves completely removing, replacing, of renovating some part of our house or yard. Like the proverbial snowball rolling downhill the ideas quickly pick up momentum such that I am usually swept up before I can act as the "voice of reason". Whether it's the striped breezeway, the border garden, the new patio or the kitchen makeover, most, if not all of her wild hairs turn out better than I could have imagined.

2. Kristin is beautiful.
Enough said.

1. Kristin loves me too.
And for that I am the luckiest man alive.

"Wonderful Memories For Your Children"

In my earlier post regarding our backyard ice rink heartsinsanfrancisco was kind enough to leave this comment:

When I lived on Christmas Lake, Excelsior, MN, my kids used to go out on the ice with snow shovels and brooms to make a skating rink. It's great that you were able to make it so smooth. You're building wonderful memories for your children.

Right. Last weekend the kids had a few of their buddies over for a friendly game shinny hockey. Since there was an equal number of boys and girls they chose to form along gender lines and engage in their own little battle of the sexes.

What the boys didn't consider is that the girls are older (and bigger) and that I am their coach. Which means they have repeatedly heard my mantra, "The puck belongs to you. If the other team has it, take it from them!"

All three of the girls show a strong propensity for defensive play and aren't afraid to "mix it up" if necessary. About half way through the game I observed a mad scramble for the puck deep in the corner. During the melee, one of the girls lost her balance and went a little high with the stick.

This was the result.




The offending player offered several apologies and willingly served a two-minute time out. Luke was treated with a few kisses and a cup of hot chocolate. Afterward, he managed to finish the game, this time with a helmet.

Wonderful memories indeed.

Pachelbel's Canon from Hell

My Lucky Day

Yesterday I was blessed with the good fortune of visiting with a uniformed public servant representing our local law enforcement agency. I was traveling across town for a mandatory meeting and was very near my destination when the officer was apparently alerted to an error in my motor vehicle operation and thus made an urgent attempt to notify me of my oversight. Her need to address me was so great that she employed a series of rhythmically flashing lights to in her attempt to gain my attention.

Once she had safely pulled me aside she approached my automobile and inquired about my schedule for the day and questioned my attention to detail. She administered a quiz on the local migratory customs and provided me with the information I was missing regarding the velocity with which one may legally travel on the adjacent thoroughfare.

In her assiduousness, she also alerted me to the fact that the thin plastic document indicating my permission to operate a motorized transportation device had exhausted its validity on the anniversary of my birth. I acknowledged that I was not aware that my certificate was out of compliance and informed her that the permission granting institution had not availed me of that fact via postal courier, as is the usual convention. She confirmed that the notification practice had ceased some time ago.

After reviewing her electronic records and establishing my status among the otherwise law abiding, she sent me on my way. And fortuitously, did not charge a fee for her services.

Skate Away

I have been waiting all winter for enough snow and cold air to take this picture. I orginally put the rink up in early December. Back then we had about one week of cold weather so we were able to skate a few times. Then it got warm and we didn't get to use the rink for almost a month. Thanks to the plastic liner I was able to keep much of the water contained and as a result we had ice a week before the city rinks. However, last week the temperature dipped enough that we were able to maintain a solid sheet of ice. Sunday night we got about 6 inches of snow that will hopefully stick around for a while. So, if you're in the area, stop by and have a skate.

Hot Enough For You?

Usually, the kids and I like to make a snowman in the front yard every winter. So far, this is the best we've been able to come up with this year. He might have been bigger if it weren't for the selfish snow-hogs in Colorado.

Thanks to Al Gore, Minnesota has had one of the warmest and dryest winters on record. And it's not just us, temps in NYC reached a record 72° over the weekend. In fact, until the last 24 hours, the only thing even close to cold winter weather we have had this season was during the week in December when our furnace went out.

Maybe my parents were right, by leaving the door open too long I am heating the whole neighborhood.

Blogger Pissed Me Off

While I was happily enjoying the dulcet tones of Mr. Billy Idol, I was wooed by Blogger to switch over to the NEW IMPROVED BETA VERSION!!! Blogger promised me it was the best thing since the self-flushing toilet and that by making the change my life would improve in untold ways. What could be better.

So I switched. And then I found out that it was fraught with a number of "known issues" (not to mention all the unkown ones) not the least of which is that only other Beta users could leave comments.

What!?!

This was KNOWN and still Blogger suckered people into switching leaving them not knowing the known unknowns until you decide to make them known. Known knowns, unknown known, known unknowns...Enough of this Donald Rumsefled crap! The whole point of blogger is to develop imaginary friends and allow them to leave pithy comments on the inane things you have to say. How can this happen if one of the known issues is the inability to leave comments.

I got so damn mad I didn't speak to blogger for several weeks. I'm still a bit surly but I'm slowly getting over it.